WAH and LBW separated and dark

[AJM]

i want a different kind of relationship but i want it with my h.
he was my best friend. i can see that the things he's been doing is based on emotion and not intellect.

There is some supposition there, but I think the important part is that you want a different kind of relationship. So does your husband. Not sure what that different kind of relationship is that he wants. Not sure what that different kind of relationship you want is either. I think it's time you found out what type of relationship you want. Specifically, and while you're at it, stop saying he needs to grow up. It's possible that's the case, but I think this needs to be about you for right now. We'll loop him back in later, OK?

suddenly i've become enemy #1. i'm so hurt by this. i feel betrayed. and i feel like i made a mistake by giving myself away to him. i spent a long time getting to know him as a friend. and he was the only one who made me smile on a daily basis. now all i feel is the knife in my back and sting of the slap across my face.

This is much much better. These are "I" statements and they tell us how you feel without being accusatory as much. You need to work on this part. Stop blaming, and start expressing. Blame is worthless in this arena, so you know. I can tell you from experience. Expressing your feeling though, that's what we can help with. We can listen. We can empathize. We can relate. Those feelings seem very normal to me. They seem very familiar as well.

are you suggesting i walk away from this? a big part of me is unable to let go. even if this ends in a d, i wouldn't move on.

No. I know how you feel. Many of us do or else there would be no reason to be here, right? And yes, you would move on - it'll take time, but you would. Everyone is capable of that and you are as well. But I am not suggesting that. I'm suggesting you take a long hard and open minded look at yourself, and then at your situation. You will eventually anyway, why not get ahead of the curve? Start with looking at you. At the things you can change. No, at the things you want to change about you, and about your relationships.
What is it you want from a relationship? I can say that one thing that stands out is that you want to feel important to the other person. How would that person show you that you are important day to day?
These things are important. It's important that you know and have clarity around what you want and what you need. Because if you don't know, nobody else would either. And if you do know, then you can articulate, communicate it, and get it.
What I'm trying to do is to get you to imagine yourself happy with "somebody". That somebody may be your husband, but it may be nobody but you. I'm trying to get you to break this elephant down into digestible pieces and get you to see things a little differently than you do right now. Not because I'm mean and nasty, but because you are still in shock from some of what I've seen. You are still processing. I'm trying to give you a way to process. Take the opportunity and process those things you can now.

AJ