Sorry I missed Litte Friday yesterday, got too busy at work and then got home and had to get yard work done and do the "Dad" thing so the kids and I could enjoy the long weekend. But rest assured I was on the patio last night with a close friend, music from Mr. Jimmy Buffet, and a couple of cold Corona's.....was good and set the tone for the weekend!!
I have come to realize that my W is sticking her head in and out of the tunnel and it is going to continue for a while longer. I also know that it is not going to be enough for her to say the things I have been wanting to hear. She is going to have to follow those words with actions. No surprises here, more time and patience on my part is needed.
I still can look back over the last 11 months and see how far I have come and see how much I have grown. But I still have more steps to take on my journey, this I know.
Things I am working on,
Not getting upset with my W when S9 gets upset that she hasn't called in 3 or 4 days. This means not making judgements and then experiencing anger over a judgement I made.
Realize she is listening to every single word I say and is committing it to memory. I have to keep those words always upbeat and positive, never critical.
Continue to work on me and making me better as if she was never coming back, planning on a future without her. Following my aspirations and dreams and making them a reality.
Accept that I might be the only responsible parent my kids have and while it may not be fair I will expect little or no help from her, financially or otherwise.
Compassion for her instead of anger which will come at times but is rare at this point.
Trying to encourage (not force) my D13 to re-establish a relationship with her mom.
Continue to come here to vent, get and give advice, laugh, celebrate, chill out and kick back, journal, and meet new friends.
Cheers!!
Accepting
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Great things to be working on! As usual you sound like you are in the right frame of mind.
Have Friday to you as well and I wish you a wonderful weekend.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Staying at my friends lake house (should say cottage) with D9 tonight...see below for some pics. Check out the pics I posted on the alt. Last time she caught 5 catfish so now she thinks she a fishermen.
Then I'm off to the beach with D9 tomorrow. If it rains well then I may take D to the movies or something.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, I will check it out when I get home. My D13 is spending the night at friend's tonight and S9 and I are going to do some gaming together on his PS3 tonight. He got a new game and is very excited for me to play with him.
Big pool party for the neighborhood tomorrow. I usually claim a whole corner of the pool with tent, bring my own table and I am embarrassed to say but I do bring a blender to the pool for frozen refreshments, adult & kid friendly alike. I have a few recipies you may be interested in BTW.
Taking it easy on Sunday, then a day trip to the beach on Monday, just me and the kids.
Have a great weekend!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Well I am bound and determined that this "Little Friday" is going to stay intact. It has been a rough start to the day and I have been hit with several things that typically might bring me down. Trying to find the positives in every situation some are more challenging than others for sure.
My Lawyer sent me a bill today for the charges above the retainer fee which brought back a flood of emotions around just how much my W has cost our family monetarily. Having a hard time finding the positive here. So I think that I am just going to set this one aside for today and try not to think about it.
Soooo, with that said....I will be on the patio tonight after the kids are down for the evening. Having a good friend come over and I think I am going to splurge and go for the Dos Equis Amber tonight and a mixture of Mr. Buffet and Mr. Marley for the music selection tonight.
Maintaining a Positive Mental Attitude whatever way you can is key. Here is to everyone on the boards that needs a break from all this crap, even if it is just for an evening. I hope everyone has a wonderful "Little Friday" and can have a little escape tonight.
Cheers!!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
So I still see positive signs from my W but strongly suspect she is seeing OM#1 again every other weekend when she does not have our S9. I have not snooped and quite honestly I don't plan to do so plus it would be hard at best to find anything out. He lives 2 hours away and also has a beach house and I suspect her weekends "off" are spent at the beach with him.
I have reached a level of detatchment that has allowed me to accept this possiblity without causing me pain anymore. I know I am competing with something or someone, and if she is going to come back then I have to be the more "attractive" choice.
If in fact she is with OM#1, I am pretty sure that R will eventually reach its end. I know that any R with OM#1 would be doomed at best b/c the kids (especially D13) would never accept him. Question is how long will it take my W to realize that enough to end it herself?
I have resolved myself to continue to try as best I can to be friendly with her. I am trying to keep things positive with her but as time goes on I have to consider some financial issues which when discussed with her tend to cause friction between us. I have been carrying her on my health ins and paying for her car ins since Nov 09 when she stopped contributing any money towards maintenance of the house or the kids. I know this is cake eating but if I had the means I would continue to do so until we get D, if that is what happens. I still feel the need to care for my W's well being, eventually I will have to drop her and I will need to talk to her about it.
We seem to be on a 2 week cycle that I am trying to currently break. Things are good between us the week before she has our S9 for the weekend and then the following week, I can feel the distance and cold she puts between us just like she did in the beginning pre-bomb. It is almost as if she doesn't want to even face me or communicate before she is about to be with OM. After her weekend "off" things go back to open and friendly again.
I am not trying to guess what she is thinking or feeling, just trying to interpret her actions so that I do not experience any emotions that would get in the way of me acting in a consistent manner towards her. I am hoping that I can build that trust back with her where she will start to open up to me about her feelings again.
I have conquered the pain from the thoughts of her with OM but I still struggle with the patience part. I experience a positive baby step, or she will stick her head out of the tunnel and I want to grab her hand and jerk her the rest of the way out but it backfires and she retreats.
I can't remember who said it on here but they likened it to trying to get a squirrel to eat out of your hand. You have to calmly hold out your hand very quietly and slowly (very slowly) the squirrel will come to you. If the squirrel takes a step towards you and you get excited and get up to move closer then the squirrel gets scared and runs back up into the tree.
I guess this summer will be spent trying to feed the squirrel.
Last edited by missherlove; 06/08/1002:49 PM.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
