Thought for the Day: “There are those who become disappointed thinking that God hasn’t spoken to them because they have not heard a loud booming voice. But, He does speak to us all of the time - mostly in quiet ways that we need to keep our eyes, ears, mind, and heart open to hear.” Have a spectacular day today! – Elmer Laydon
I found this and thought it was perfect for what we have been discussing on your thread MH!!!
Hoping today is a better day! Did you read "An update" from yellow rose on here! It is a mlc success story!!!
(((hugs)))
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I'm so sorry you are having a hard time, but I know exactly what you mean!!! Been there, done that! You have come so far & you have been doing so well, you have a right to have those days.
Believe me, I still have them. I like what CW wrote above - I have to take that advice myself.
If you took XH back, could you still be the real you and work on that relationship?
Quote:
Walking-glad to hear that you have found the person that you were! Have you considered taking your xh back? Was he mlc?
Sorry for this hi-jack M&H but I should answer these questions because they are important for the LBS on this journey.
See, here’s the thing. I don’t know if my H was in MLC or not. Hell, maybe I was in MLC – certainly the woman I was when our sitch started and the woman I am now are two different people . I do know that we both went through a horrible and very sad life crisis during our separation and divorce and we both had to go through a process of meeting our demons, dealing with them and learning to live for ourselves again.
Thing is, my x hasn’t really done the work. He remarried very quickly (he told me “I’m sorry V, I just can’t live alone.”) that marriage lasted about 18 months before the wheels fell off. He hasn’t even really used that experience to grow.
I love my xhusband. He’s a fabulous man and he raised fabulous kids. He’s kind, funny and very successful – but he’s a boy emotionally and I don’t want that anymore. I have more faith in myself now and frankly my standards are higher.
We will always be great friends and we’ll always be in contact because we both love his children (and they won’t let me out of their lives god bless them) but I’ll never be with him again. That’s sad – and it’s taken me a while to really understand that, particularly because I know we could be together if I chose it.
Twice he’s told me that “we are the break up that never should have happened.” The first time was about 2 months post bomb and the second time was about 3 months ago. It strikes me that line has been going around in his head for 4 years (poor bugger!)!!
My next long term relationship will be with someone who shares my passions, understands and respects my lifestyle, supports my interests and respects the space I need to live my life. My x doesn’t share my passions – he humours me about them – that’s really the deal breaker for me.
The thing I’ve learned on this journey is that I’ll be OK. I’m a grown up and I’m strong and as long as I’m being the best me I can be, my life is going to be fabulous. If there’s a man in it, that’s a happy add-on. If not – I’m OK with that too because there is enough other stuff in my life to satisfy me and keep me happy and focussed.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
But, He does speak to us all of the time - mostly in quiet ways that we need to keep our eyes, ears, mind, and heart open to hear.”
Ok, that sounds a lot like intuition...so could our intuition actually be God speaking to us? Pardon me for being slow...I believe in God but don't go to church or read the bible! Just practice the 10 commandments and Golden rule and pray! So my point is that if it has been stated in the bible that our intuition is God speaking to us, then I missed that verse since I don't read the bible!
Last edited by newmama; 05/25/1002:16 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Newmama, in my life I've found that He speaks to me in several ways. I've asked Him to be very blunt with me. You can do the same. Some people notice when they do things over and over, and keep failing that they get the distinct impression that it's God telling them to stop. I'm just not that good at interpreting subtle signs. I need Him to bonk me over the head and SAY it to me plainly.
Another thing you can pray for is to have Him direct your prayer, so that you know you are asking for the right thing. Remembering that if you ask Him to do something often enough, He'll do it, but it may not be in your best interest. Always ask everything in His will. You don't want to tie His hands. He may be working towards reconciliation in your life, but if you ask for H to come back now, for instance, before he's done his journey, he may leave later and it may be for good. However, if you waited until God was through with him and his journey, you may have a happy, fulfilled marriage that lasts the rest of your life... for a small sacrifice of a few years in the middle of it. You see what I mean? I always pray that God brings my H and I back together in love and friendship, but that it is done when He deems us BOTH ready and when His will for us is fulfilled. Only then will we be perfectly matched for each other again.
I have literally, when praying over the couch where my H sleeps, FELT the power come through me. I have literally felt the floor shake and my vision brighten (my eyes were closed and the lights were off at night) and I had to open my eyes to see if the overhead fan was on, which sometimes shakes, to see if there was a "scientific, logical" explanation for it. This happened to me twice.
I've also HEARD a very clear voice in my head twice in my life. Oddly enough, once I prayed that on a certain back road where animals were always killed that he protect them so not so many would die. Then, I was speeding on this road to work and He said clearly in my head "You want me to protect the animals and you speed." LOL. I never drove fast down there again. It was so very clearly a VOICE and it wasn't MINE - it was like someone was in the car talking to me, and it freaked me out totally.
There is also something called laying a fleece before the Lord. I did it when I was 12 and my mother had taken pain pills after breaking her ribs and had a reaction. She was foaming from the mouth and her eyes were rolled up in her head and I kept calling the ambulance but they kept hanging up on me, thinking I was pranking them. I laid a fleece before the Lord, asking Him if my mother was to live, to let a bird land within the next five seconds outside my window on the wire. One did, then I asked if it was truly a sign from Him, to make him fly away within 10 seconds, and it did. Then, just for good measure, I asked Him to make three birds land, and they did. I knew then, and a peace came over me, that she would be OK. Within minutes, her boyfriend, now my stepfather, was at the door. He had an intuition something was wrong and he ran upstairs and carried her down the stairs and to the hospital. I KNOW in my heart that God called him that day, and my mother was fine. There is a biblical basis for this, and it involved an actual sheep's fleece. I find this doesn't work for me anymore, but it may work for you. LOL Maybe you're only allowed to do it once in your life.
I also know that when I pray, if I lower my head, and put both hands on the side of my head, instead of folded in front of me, I get stronger feelings of linking to the Lord. Everyone is different, don't be afraid to experiment with positions, times of day, locations, etc. For instance, I think everyone is closer to the Lord on top of a mountain. That's not just me, there's a lot of biblical and extra-biblical reference to it. For my Vision Quest, I had to climb the top of a mountain and abstain from food and drink for four days and three nights and pray. Moses climbed to the top of a mountain to receive the ten commandments. Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. I'm seriously thinking of camping on top of a mountain soon and fasting and praying for a long weekend just to dedicate my life to the Lord and ask for all that I hope for in my marriage. I'm a little afraid to do it for fear of the crazies out in this world, but I may be able to find another person to do it with me, just leaving me be but watching from a distance, like the medicine man does for a quester.
Oh, another thing is I pray before doing a bible study. I will go online and key in words like audio bible study... the first time I did that, I got an audio bible study of I Peter, and it took me right to the verse and chapter that I needed to hear, about marriage. It was really an answer to my prayer. That can happen also if you ask him to lead, guide and direct you.
If anyone else wants to add something on here, for newmama and anyone else that may be wondering, tell us what works for you and maybe you will help someone out.
Newmama, I also have to say that I didn't "go to church (except when first moving to our town so the kids would meet people) or read the bible" either. Since this began, I have done both, and I highly recommend it. You really get a lot out of it. Here's the audio bible study I found, maybe it will help you also. http://www.audiobiblestudy.org/ And the church has been great, finding a good one, I cry whenever I go there because I just feel the love and it's something I really need right now. I was always afraid of seeming like a "Jesus freak" but now, it's just not even a consideration. Who cares, what I'm getting from this all is peace and a closer connection to God, and as I get that, I find other things in my life just falling into place.
I'm going to share something here. My H was going over our empty apartment for close to a year to "fix" the stove. In the apt, it's code to have one of those old gas on gas stoves that has a heater on the side. Well, this place only has the heater there and in the living room, so we need it. I changed the locks b/c H was using the empty apartment to meet OW and meanwhile, we're close to being foreclosed on for not having the rent to cover the mortgage. Anyway, out of the blue, after praying that God help my financial situation, I get a call at work. It's a rental agency I used maybe 10 years ago. They want to know if I have any apartments to rent. I explain that I do but it needs a stove. The man calls me back and says "go to this xxx store and they have the stove you need." I call, it's $500 for a refurbished stove, AND they'll haul away the old one for free. Really? I've lost over $9,900 in rent for a $500 stove? But, I never would have known about this store and the stoves if this man hadn't called me out of the blue and told me. I call that an answer to my prayer.
AND things like this have been happening to me all over the place lately. It's not just an isolated incident. Things happen that I just call too much to be coincidence. I feel God is working on my side, and in return, I feel I have to work to understand Him more. If I just prayed and said "give me what I need and I'll pray tomorrow and ask you for more stuff." Well, that just wouldn't feel right. So, I repay Him by learning about Him and beginning my walk with Him, by reading the bible and attending church.
I don't post much on my thread because, well, NOTHING ever happens in my life. Nothing. Never. No where, no how...
Is that sick? That I wish SOMETHING would happen to remind me that yes, he's in MLC? I'm so high energy and to not be DOING something just feels wrong.
Nope, we get up day after day, get ready for work, come home, make dinner, go to bed. Tuesdays are family night, weekends he takes off to be with OW but tells us he's going out with friends. He also has Monday and Thursday nights that he takes off to see her, returning home very early morning the next day.
DSD16 suspects OW, but I haven't told her. I don't know if it's the right thing to do. If it continues, though, I don't know if I can hold it in any longer. She's seeing clues and she's not dumb and I don't, as a rule, lie to the children.
My in-laws want me to make a decision. It's wearing on them. I told them and they understand and even say that they know this will take years to navigate, but they still want me to make a decision. It's hard, I wanted to focus on the family and keep grands connected together, but I don't know if it's in their best interest as it's stressful.
Maybe it's time for me to go over there and let them all know that I am standing and that's that... they seem to need to talk about H every time we meet, but they don't need to, really. Perhaps it's time to change the air and just say - hey, stop thinking about it. This is the new family structure for the immediate future. It may not make sense to you, but this is the way it is.
DSD16 suspects OW, but I haven't told her. I don't know if it's the right thing to do. If it continues, though, I don't know if I can hold it in any longer. She's seeing clues and she's not dumb and I don't, as a rule, lie to the children.
Please do not do this^^^^^^no matter what. Even if she asks.
That truth belongs between her and her dad.
Which brings me to
Originally Posted By: M&H
Maybe it's time for me to go over there and let them all know that I am standing and that's that... they seem to need to talk about H every time we meet, but they don't need to, really.
Your thinking on this is right this is about YOU not what anybody else thinks.
Your decision to stand is YOUR choice.
Not about H and what HE might do.
YOU decide.
Your choice is about who YOU are, YOUR character.
Not to illuminate lack of H's character.
You don't have to explain it to anyone because they could not possibly understand what is inside you because...
It's YOURS.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
OK, My H just changed his email address for his 401k - what's up with that? I got a message to my email saying if the change was a mistake, to let them know.
