If you really want the answer to that question then ask. It doesn't mean you have to change anything, just more information.
I know exactly what you mean when you say you can't keep doing this to yourself. I am just patient enough (usually) to make sure it's really what I want for me. So, there are times I have asked questions that I know others would think I should not. It's all just data that I collect and then put together in some way that (so far) has worked for me.
Like you, at times I live in a world painted by Dali (hmm, maybe it's Bosch). Anyway, it is colorful.
