How do you deal with the HATE?

[beingreal]

Detaching takes time. The GAL'ing will help but also you will need patiences. It took me a long time to get to the detaching phase. For me personally, it took the realization that my marriage was DEAD. That the person that I fell in love is no longer the same. The key is to also realize and accept that BOTH of you must change in order for the possiblity of reconciliation.

This is so true. Someone once told me (or told someone else & I just took it to heart), that the REAL changes start when you can make a decision and NOT wonder/worry/contemplate how it might or might not affect the WAS.

You can stop with the name calling, but instead of wondering if he'll notice--because honestly, he might not EVER notice--find out how it makes you feel about yourself to not be spewing that ugliness. And I can say that word "ugliness", I was guilty of the same thing. Oh, Lordy, did I say some horrid things to H. I have figured out why, and now I'm not just trying to not say them anymore, I'm trying to change what it is about me, what it is about my personality, that makes me even want to go there.

The problem wasn't with my words. My problem was in my heart. That's the part I need to change.

And if my H never comes around long enough to see the real change, then I have to know it's okay. I am going to come out of this a better person. Not only will I NOT be the kind of person who calls the people she loves names, I'll be the woman with a healed heart.

That's all you can work on. Fixing, changing and healing yourself.

It's not easy. We're all smack dab in the middle. Read some other threads & see how some of the sitches are similar to yours. Sometimes it's easier to see your mistakes when they are committed by others. Just as long as we're learning from them, then we're doing well.


Big hugs.

And hang on.