How do you deal with the HATE?

[ericmsant2]

Kickme

I know I do this to myself.

Then maybe you should stop.

I THINK I am detaching, and I still make it all about him

Detaching takes time. The GAL'ing will help but also you will need patiences. It took me a long time to get to the detaching phase. For me personally, it took the realization that my marriage was DEAD. That the person that I fell in love is no longer the same. The key is to also realize and accept that BOTH of you must change in order for the possiblity of reconciliation.

I like the person I see in the mirror.

This is good...do you also like....

to control things

Controling behavior is a symtom of some deeper issues. Trust me I am a former control freak. In my case, the controlling behavoir was a ploy to hide my own insecurities. To hide my fears. Fear of being hurt, fear of change. When we talk about working on YOU and becoming the best that YOU can be one of the things we hope is that you realize that the controlling behavior should change.

We all get a false sense of control. The reality, if we choose to accept it is that we cannot control another. I struggled with this, which is why I too would be frustrated.

Hell yeah I am mad!

Very normal as a matter of fact you should be piss*ed the F*ck off. The key is what you do with the anger - this YOU CONTROL.

BTW have you consider that your H is anger and that he is directing his anger at himself at YOU. Notice how he is dealing with his anger. So how will you deal with yours.


God Bless,
Eric