Hey Whatnow .. thanks! Doesn't feel very admirable now, but I know my PMA setback is temporary and that's why I'm here
Ok ... so too available, I get it. But what about what the MC and DB coach said? So much of this tight rope walking in a sense, a little, but not too much etc .... it often starts as playful/flirty and then gets touchy feely ... you know what I mean.
And re the Birthday party ... it was going to be at our place and we would have to send the kids out for the night so if he didn't want it, I was gonna be all casual and "OK, no prob, just thought I'd offer" but he seemed really down that no one had made plans so I thought I'd mention it and give myself time to make arrangements. Felt bad for him not doing anything on his b'day and wanted to show him I was open to his friends (ie. the acceptance he feels has been missing) etc ... still pursuing?
Thoughts??? PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Ok, I really want to call or text him, but I know that he needs to go to the 'cave' and process anything that was said. I'll see him in the morning for a few minutes when he comes to get the boys but I think I'll say nothing ...
Then I won't see him till Saturday at supper time ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
So I chatted with my sister (a different one, we'll call her Tr - and she is on board totally with what I am trying to do).
Tr thinks that I should tell H that I am open to thinking about options and compromise, but that we just started this schedule and I think that we should ride it out for a month to see how it works. She thinks that letting him push me for change this early sets a precedent and that I should be open to discussing it, but recognize that I have been accomodating and fair.
I could also point out that regardless of the arrangement we have in place, there is always the chance that whatever activity comes up might be in conflict with the schedule and either babysitters would have to be hired or a compromise with the other spouse would be necessary ... having a completely free weekend doesn't mean that it's that weekend your friends are going to be arranging a party ...
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
PEI - I think is great that your sister is on board with what u r doing. I would caution you that although she is on board watch what you say to her.
You do not want her to know all of the details as this may have an impact in the future should you guy reconcile.
On a lighter note - wonderful looking beaches.
God Bless Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hey Eric ... not this sister. The other two, yep, but this one is solid. Totally solution-oriented and even understands MLC (has a psych degree). She's even given me a few 2x4s and kept me from sitting here gathering and storing resentment. Everyone needs a real life Tr - she's like a personal version of you guys
I've told them far too much (the other two) but it's been a hell of a year all around and I thought they would understand (I was wrong). Both of them have reconciled with H's who have had A's in the last year. Wish I could take it back, but instead I'm now only sharing the positives so hopefully it'll help bring them around eventually. Bleh ...
Yes they are aren't they
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I needed a whole family with physc degrees in my sitch - LOL.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I had a conversation with guy pal B last night via messenger. He used to date OW in highschool and still lives in the same town. Since H and OW ended it, she's been trying to set up a time to chat with B over coffee. She knows that B and I are aquaintences but apparently doesn't know we've become really good friends.
Anyway, I tell him I'm not going to pry but I do have one question ... If he has definitive information, and not just unsubstantiated rumours, that what I've been told about H and OW ending it is NOT true, will he tell me?
He then tells me that they didn't talk about it alot, but she did tell him that nothing physical happened and she assumes I'll never forgive her (for those who missed it, we had just started to become friends). She was really emotional. He told her that I was a good person and that I deserved honesty and she owed it to me to clear the air with me and she said she didn't think she could get through it without breaking down completely. B says it was guilt. She left her own marriage back in November so who knows where her head is.
Thoughts? I know y'all are gonna 2x4 me but I believe them. I don't think it was a PA and I also think that perhaps H was more emotionally invested than he let on, and perhaps it meant more to him than her. I feel like he was totally in love with how her validation made him feel and maybe she didn't even know how wrapped up he was.
Dunno ....
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Hey Eric ... yeah, she's in law school with a background in psych and political science. Smart kid, very practical and level. I am VERY lucky to have her!
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Called H this morn before he came over ask him to bring the laptop (he didn't last time and I had no computer during my time out).
H came to pick up the boys, I acted AS IF we hadn't had any R talk and things were friendly and peaceful, and they were. Chatted a bit, he told me his Sis (the one he stays with when he's not here) bought him a journal and that she comes in and chats with him when thoughts strike her. At least he's sharing info.
When he was leaving I asked what time he'd like me back on Sat and mentioned that we said suppertime-ish when we were at the MC last time, but last night there seemed to be some confusion. He said we need to keep talking so we don't have misunderstandings.
Told them to have a great day and off they went. I am home with D6 today who says she doesn't feel great ... she never misses school so a day with Mom is ok with me
PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
