DG, stop talking like that. Just stop it right now.
You are not broken, but bruised and his words to you right now are not helping. Do not listen to them! He is damaged. You said it yourself. The OW will not be able to fix him. We talked about it some time ago and what I told you then still applies.
Right now you need to focus on yourself. He will blame you and demonize you and spin stories to you about your kids being happier... that is BS. Kids need their mother... and that is YOU.
NO ONE ELSE can ever take your place. Ever.
Now I know you are hurting... but I want you to think... what are you hurting about? His words? They only have power over you if you allow them to.
I know more than "just a few" women who have been able to fully recover from the wounds you have received. I know you're hurting right now. I know how painful it is for you to feel like a complete failure and I'm here to tell you that you are not. Your feelings are just that... feelings. You are not defined by your feelings. You can fix yourself and heal. In your mind... deep down... if you think about it. Really, really think about it you know that what I'm telling you is true.
You can do this DG, you can. I promise you that. I know it is not easy to turn off the thoughts you're having. Those are normal. However you can change your thoughts.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I'm still here. Hanging on...don't know why. I can't handle much more in my life. I am so tired of living in my life. The joys seem so fleeting.
Why is it so hard? Most people have one or two really bad things happen to them in their lifetime to overcome. I seem to have gotten so much more. Am I just a walking target? I don't get it.
Hi DG, I'm still here...you hang on girl OK? I'm tired of living my life right now as well, I wish the happy times were back...I'm tired of not being happy, I'm mentally exhausted and so are you, so keep that in mind, this thing with our H's has taken a toll on us. But it doesn't mean that it will always feel like this...it won't...I won't let it and you have to fight too.
Where is that strong DG from few days ago. You had a plan, you had a vision...find it again.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Wow! What great friends you had hanging with you last night when you needed it the most!
I went through all the same thoughts as you did a few weeks ago...had my crazy night and woke up the next morning feeling peace...hoping that you will too! You deserve it DG! YOur kids need you! They love you no matter what!
Pray for the Lord to bring you the answers you need and peace in your heart!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I'm not saying this to make you think there's hope for the R, because right now that's not important, YOU ARE!!
If he had really "Moved On", then he wouldn't be going out of his way to make you feel like sh!t. I call "big, fat Bullchit!!!" on this one.
He's hurt, he's angry, he's guilty and he's not mentally stable. Instead of working on his own issues, he's turning it around to make you think that YOU are the problem. Any sane person who has moved on wouldn't spend the time or energy to do that.
Don't fall for it.
Don't let him win.
You are not a loser. You are not a bad mother. Your children would NOT be better off with someone else. Not ever. You love them like no one else in this world ever can, and they know this.
If you were to give up right now & end it, they would never forgive you. And they would never forgive THEMSELVES! You blame yourself for the jerk's probelms, and they would blame themselves for whatever happens to you.
It's not rational, but they would.
They weren't good enough.
You didn't love them enough.
They weren't important enough for you to keep fighting.
They weren't important, period.
I know for a fact that NONE of those things is true, that is so obvious by your posts. You love your babies. You love them so much it hurts your heart.
But for the rest of their lives, they will blame themselves. And the way h is acting? I don't think it would be long until he blamed them, too.
Keep fighting, DG. Keep going. Let those babies know that with every breath you take you love them. Show them with everything you do that they are the most important people in your life. Prove to them that they are worthy of your love, of your strength, of you.
They need you. They love you. YOU are the most important person in their world, DG. No one, and I mean no one, will EVER have the impact you have on their lives. No one will ever love them like you can.
Do not let them spend the rest of their lives feeling like they weren't important enough for their mother to keep on going.
Show them how much you love them. Pick up the phone. Call your doctor and tell him exactly how you feel. There are people who can help you. There is no shame in it. It takes a strong person to ask for help, and you are so strong. Be strong for them.
They need you. They deserve you. They deserve the best mother they can have, and that is the best version of you. Not someone else. Not ever someone else.
Please post. Please make the phone call. With every number you dial, think of their smiling faces. Do this for them until you can do this for yourself.
There is no such thing as too broken.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
