Forgot to mention that after taking a long nap yesterday I did go to my counseling appt. since it didn't involve any physical exertion I decided it was worth it.
I have been working on being a better listener and not letting Dan or my mom bring me down with their 'crazymaking' tactics, in her words. Basically leading and teaching them how to treat me by my actions, what conversations I encourage, which ones I end, etc. Anyway she told me last night it sounded like I was making good progress on living my life and not letting their attitudes determine mine.
Upon reflection, I guess it has been paying off. I got no fewer than 6 nice texts and a phone call from Dan today. Also my mom called to see how I was doing this afternoon. And we talked for 30 minutes, all good. My BIL lost his job and mom actually started talking all about when she and my dad were newlyweds and he lost his job, and went on and just shared a lot of her memories with me. It was nice to talk to her and not have her crying or trying to guilt me!
Oh and even R has been texting and emailing me lately. Don't get me wrong I still want only a friendship with him, but I think that actually took pressure off both of us. He has been going through a lot of crap at work and I have been a sounding board for him, I guess you could say.
I just feel like I am in a good place...I enjoy all of these interactions because I am not doing them to get something and I am not giving anybody anything (my time, my attention, my opinion) except what I want to give them. Much better than feeling obligated/guilty/fearful, for sure!!
This isn't to say that all is perfect. My mom cried to me yesterday bc I wasn't particularly interested in going to a giant family picnic on Monday, as I already told the kids we could relax and swim at home--I don't get them back until Sunday evening. However I just let her cry and try to guilt me, and kept my position. And last night Dan was in a pissy mood because he didn't know if there was baseball practice or not due to rain...he called me wanting to know if I had called to find out, what was the deal, etc etc. But, it was his night. I just very sweetly gave him the coach's number and got off the phone.
