How do you deal with the HATE?

[ericmsant2]

Kick

I've read thru your post and I walked away with (okay I did not actually walk away ) is this...

I sense that you still feel like you can somehow change your H. Maybre you think you can pick up a book or go to a class or that your H's IC will smack him upside the head and he will change.

HB, Jack and 1000 have all said what I am about to say...YOU CANNOT FIX HIM.

Right now is a time for you to think about what kick wants. Time for you to take that long, hard, sh*t, painful, fustrating (sorry if I am being melodramatic) look in the mirror. Why I am sure ask?

Because the one person you can change in this is YOU. That's right...all the love in the world that you have for you H, all the nice things that you do, all the name calling that you stop, everything that you do to try and hope that it will change him - will not WORK.

What may work...is you becoming a whole person. A healed person. Someone who had addressed her issues and no longer feels the need to try an control someone else.

Look your H filed and put it on hold. I call that a blessing. I call that an opportunity for you to really make the lasting changes that you need to make. I cal the "D hold" - TIME, which believe it or not is on your side.

Let me tell you a quick story about a guy (he is the one typing this to you ) who pushed, who did not detach, who did not work on himself, whose W said I will not file until X period of time, who was on these boards and did not LISTEN, who never REALLY work on himself FOR HIMSELF - this guy was served a few weeks ago.

So here is my advice....

1) Detach - it is the ony way that you can remain sane.
2) Take a long hard look in that mirror and change the things about your character, your personality, etc. that you want to change. I am not talking about things like "i call him names" - yes this is good but it seems like a chnnge that expects a response from your H. THe things I am talking about are changes along the line of...you know who the hell am I outside of my M. Do my insecurity limit me - these are changes that you would make for you.
3) Take a break - go enjoy your self. Step back from this for a bit and just enjoy life.

Kick - you can do this. It will take work and committment. A committment not to your H or to your M but a comittment to YOU.

God Bless,
Eric