The problem is to put it simple is that in the context of infidelity I disagree with MWD
She does advocate you being the better person MWD does advocate you becoming more inviting MWD does advocate you not pursuing
BUT... MWD doesn't reccomend addressing the elephant in the room - the affair - directly... THAT part there are several infidelity experts who disagree with her... MWD is not an infidelity expert, she hasn't written extensively on it, doens't specialize in infidelity with therapy cases either...
The problem is as you put it, a lot of people don't know how to deal with hit when confronted with it as an outsider either... But their default response is to SUPPORT it by NOT doing anything.
If someone beats someone up and you stand there and watch, you are in a small way beating that person up too... This is common reasoning for many offences.
For infidelity many people don't know how to handle it so they just bury their head in the sand.
Ask people to take a stand, educate them on the subject. Take them out to dinner and try to help them understand that if it were THEM, they would want YOU do support them rather than hiding...
Infidelity in my opinion is bordline criminal offence... If someone broke into my home, spraypainted my wall, took my stereo and ran out, THAT would be FAR less devastating than what the OM did to my home.... But for some reason infidelity gets a free pass...
Try to help these third parties understand that they don't even have to DO that much... just REFUSE her ACCESS
They just have to tell your wife
I don't condone what you are doing to your husband, your family, or your marriage. Go home. As long as you are acting in this horrible and embarassing fashion you are not welcome in my home or around my family. Please leave
Imagine if all of your wife's friends took this stand... Imagine how long the affair would last if the whole community spoke up with one clear, respectable voice of reason like that... People can't surive without their friends, without their community...
Women in particular cannot continue to support a man that the community does not respect... It wears on their long term outlook for the future of the affair... If they realize NO ONE will even TALK to them... the affair will die much more quickly.. Its all these ostriches hiding away that really fuel the affair to continue... Or the worse case... They invite the "lovely couple" to dinner!
It's not just exposure, its HOW its done... It's WHAT is said, how much leadership, respect, and direction you offer up when you speak with each audience.
People aren't educated in this matter, they need education and practical direction...
If they don't WANT to help, just ask them to turn your wife away... that's not asking much... all they have to do is block your wife's calls, turn her away at the door... Basically shut her out... one confrontation so she knows WHY would be good... the more the better...
talking to your wife is pointless. Attacking her infidelity publically is better... OR attacking it from the OM perspective
OM is attacking my marriage, my wife, and my home... This is creepy, sick, and disgusting... Please tell this creepy guy to stop stalking my wife... Do you want that kind of person around your children? A man who will mount someone else's wife in some sleazy hotel? You want your kids exposed to this?
i often compare infidelity to stalking, bullying, or child molestation. There is quite a bit of overlap.
The thing is you are competing with hollywood and the music industry romanticizing the whole thing.. you need to PAINT a MUCH more HONEST picture of what it FEELS like from the inside of the affair...
VIOLATED
In all three examples above violated is the common theme.
Some creep forces himself into your life in a ruinous way to get some sick thrill out of the attack... And no one wants to talk about it so he often gets away with it..
If you want he to change her mind you need to fight the affair, not her... Fight it from the community, not from text messages and whatnot.. that's how many people seem to go at this these days and it doens't work...
Go to people's homes that she visits, take them to dinner, educate them on the problem and ask them to turn your wife away with an explanation and advice to go home... no apologies to her, just "go home" and show your wife the door.
You can't wait for your wife to show interest... LRT doens't work if you just distance yourself and hope for the best... this means the affair will run its full course and take MUCH LONGER to END...
Those on this forum that FIGHT the nonsense end it much sooner than those who dance around it with a smile on their face.
