still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Thanks Laura...I tried the adoring way for 10 months (I went NC from Mar-mid June 09) and all I got is this lousy talk of divorce! (har har- trying to make fun of the lousy t-shirt saying)

My cycle was being kind and loving and allowing cake eating. So I am breaking that cycle.

I am not treating WH like crap but I am no longer gazing up at him lovingly while he goes home to OW every day.

He can remember how I treated him before April when he told me he wanted a divorce. I was letting him come over, I was adoring him while showing my improvements and GALing....so this is a contrast for sure.

He can think "hmm...if I don't leave newmama I would get an adoring wife and mother! but now I see if I leave her she isn't so crazy about me. Golly, I kinda liked the adoring version of newmama. Shucks, this OW is starting to lose her shine but I did promise to stay with her and she does put out...do I really want to be with her for life though?"


Actually, I think that if the hormones are wearing down it is better timing for me to be pulling away because as the fog lifts he will see "crap! There goes the true love of my life! I better get her back! What was I thinking!" versus me hearing he wants to divorce me and acting the same loving and adoring way and showing I am waiting forever...take your sweet time...take another year or two.... Don't worry! I am patient! You can indulge in OW until you get sick of her or until she dumps you!

Now I do think that if I pulled away right away last year, during the chemical high, he would have let me go through with the divorce and eventually he would have regretted it. But it is better for me to do it AFTER he has seen my improvements (in looks and ability and attitude)and after I had shown him that I WAS willing to wait for awhile. He will feel that he lost his "chance" because the tables are turning!