Unfortunatley Lotus her father is divorced and ENCOURAGES her behaviour... He treats her like an innocent child and texts her sabotage regularly... He's a marriage meddler and poisoning her mind.
I am inclined think a lot of the garbage you get OIN is because of FIL's meddling..I think he's the one teaching her all her bad habits... He's ignorant, childish, and opinionated.. Just like your wife right now.
Look, you need to preserve your dignity, I get that. No one likes being lied to when they KNOW it is a lie.
Your wife wants her dignity too, so she has to hold onto this as a "frienship" right now.
The ONLY way you can protect BOTH of you and avoid doing damage to the marriage is to tell her
I know, you know, we both know, It happens, lets move on
And do NOT argue the case like a courtroom lawyer...
your wife will TRY to argue, ignore it...
Just put it gently and over TIME your wife will gradually accept that you know when she realizes you are NOT going to vilify her for it.
That's the problem a lot of the time, people cheat and they want to get it overwith but they feel like they will be vilified for it so they try to keep it a secret.
I just told my wife outright "I'm no fool, and neither are you. We both know the truth so lets just leave all that behind us for now... It's not going to make either of us feel better arguing to spare ourselves some embarassment"
You are embarassed OM turned you into a cuckhold Your wife is embarassed OM make her into a fool at work
Just tell her you know, simply and gently, and then move on.
It sounds like your wife DOES want to exchagne more kindnesses to explore rebuilding things... Her instincts are good there..
She just has to realize that the calls to OMW will end and it is NOT to make HER out as a villain... its to protect both marriages, provide OMW a sense of safety, and to allow everyone to process things in orde to move quickly to CLOSURE
Oftentimes OIN, repeating something, even if it is rejected will eventually be implicitly accepted.
I think your wife knows you know. I think she feels like you are accusing her of something terrible and doens't want it rubbed in her face right now.
Just tell her you konw to get the idea in her head, then drop it and make you both a nice dinner and stay out of the argument.
Wait for her to lie to you again and just gently tell her you know and then walk away to make a nice dinner..
When your wife sees you aren't trying to beat her up for the lying she will be a lot less defensive.
