Hi again Luvs, Wow there's a lot there isn't there! I guess I don't have so many comments as I do questions. The first question I'd ask you is about your marriage. You mentioned there was abuse in that marriage - I'm so sorry to hear that. Did you ever get any counseling or support to help you heal from that? And, how long it was after your first marriage broke up, that you started this relationship?
And then my next question relates to this:
Originally Posted By: LuvsMeLuvsMeNot
In my case, I think asking for changes is too much for my SO. I mean this literally.
I think a gentle influence is what he needs. Unfortunately, that is not what I've been. I have only asked for precious few things, though. I have not made demands, and recently told him that I didn't think he could meet me on the issue of his withdrawal, so I would no longer ask for it.
True, it's good to be sensitive to your spouse's needs. But I wonder - what are your needs around this issue? How does that make you feel that he withdraws? And if you need him to not withdraw, why do you choose to no longer ask for it?
I wonder if I could recommend a book to you... it's called 'Hold Me Tight' by Sue Johnson. It's been helpful to me in understanding some issues around withdrawal and attachment.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
