This is Memorial Day weekend, and according to his emails he is golfing every day, except Sunday, and I don't know what he has going on then. That hasn't come up in the emails yet, but I suspect he met someone and has a date because for him to forego golf with his buddies, he must be getting laid or something. This hurts me beyond hurt! I can't stop thinking and wondering about it, and I feel like calling him or something to get him to come over and see his son or anything on Sunday. Anything to prevent him from doing whatever it is he has planned. But, again, I know that is wishful (and foolish) thinking, and a bad, self-defeating strategy.
So .... what should I do???
At least you are finally accepting reality for what it is, your husband wants to have sex and you are finally getting the picture. You didn't want to have sex with him but now you also don't want him to have sex with other women.
I know I'm harping on this alot but it looks like you're actually coming to the same conclusion yourself.
As for advice, no text msg's, no emails, no voicemails. Call him and ask to speak with him in person.
Offer a heartfelt apology without any requirement for him to do the same to you. Tell him you love him and you are sorry that you rejected him all these years. Tell him you were angry and you didn't know how to communicate so you built up alot of resentment over the years against him and that caused you to reject him when he wanted to have sex with you and then tell him that you don't know exactly how he must have felt but you can imagine that it hurt alot for him to be rejected by his wife when he wanted to be close to you and you know that it couldn't have felt good to feel unloved for so long.
Call him to speak to him in person, don't offer this apology over the phone.
Go somewhere public so he can be assured you won't make a scene and that it will be a safe place to talk for both of you.
Doing nothing is going to get you exactly that and I don't think you're at the last resort technique stage yet, you haven't tried everything else before the "last resort".
For that heartfelt apology to have any hope of reaching him, you have to put yourself in their shoes, feel what they must have been feeling, be empathetic to their side of the situation and really feel their pain. If you just go through the motions of spitting out an apology, you'll have no possibility of success.
