How is your neighbour's relationship with your wife?
What you can do maybe is
1. You DO need to find a way to express the difference between the calls that YOU and OMW make and the calls that SHE and OM make so she can absorb that. She may realize there is a difference, but wording it simple and precise helps a lot. 2. Maybe you can have your neighbour make an agreement with her that you won't be calling OMW from neighbours phone. If the three of you are there she can trust you. Your neighbour just has to make a verbal confirmation to her that he will not allow YOU to use the phone for that call. But YOU do need to make it clear you WILL be calling.
Many spouses OIN want to SWEEP an affair under the rug, they HATE the follow up, the spying, the fact-checking, etc.. They want it all to just dissappear...
Re-read "Other Reassurances" in MWD Divorce Remedy book on pp 211-212.
The fact-checking MUST and WILL continue to PROTECT marriages. I would find a way to word that. Pupster may have a suggestion. But your wife needs to learn that what she and OM were doing cannot be swept away and will be checked up on by you and OMW... Do NOT do it in secret... I would confront her on it and explain WHY it is being done and reassure her it will decrrease over time and will eventually not be done at all... But I would make it crystal clear that she knows it WILL be DONE right NOW... I would NOT try to check up with OMW in secret.. I would make sure she knows you two are following up to protect each other's marraiges...
OM and your wife made a BAD choice and they are going to have to live with that for six months or so...
Just find a way to word it kindly but clearly that this will continue and its NOT a secret. If she doesn't want you using neighbour's phone then use your own phone... Don't hide it.
Read that piece in the book, it may help you find a way to word it or someone here may have suggestions.
You dont want to put it mean and shove it down her throat, you just want her to understand why YOUR calls are ok and hers were NOT... and why YOUR calls will continue for the next while.
I would print out that reassurances piece in DR and send to OMW so she has a good explanation of why this is being done... MWD puts it well in the book I think.
OM needs to get over himself and live with his wife checking up on him for a while too... These two are both a couple of self-righteous children.
It is very common for people who cheat and come back to NOT want it to be discussed, they just want to put it behind them and will LIE to do it... THey will tell you songs they are listening to are for you, etc.. its all BS
These two need to learn they crossed a line and that LINE will be CAREFULLY GUARDED for a while until you and OMW feel safe again.. I would NOT guard it in secret and tip toe around those two on this one...
