Your happiness is not a "reward" for him--it's a reward for YOU.
The quicker you can get to that state (self sooth), the more he'll know he can't "get to you". And it becomes HIM who is the problem. He DOESN'T see it, I'm SURE of that. Because you have interacted and made it about YOU. These things will help him see, no, it's not you, it is HIM.
When my H is in the house spouting like an absolute lunatic at NOBODY, is he thinking it's me? I don't think so. Pretty obvious there is no one around but him, and only crazy people spout off at nothing.lol.
