WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

i'd like coach and fg to chime in on this.
but i know that the focus has to be brought back to me. not h.
this helps me gain a bit of compassion and not get so angry over this.

the question will be: so what do i do about this? what is the work that i have to do in order to use this to my advantage if this is true? and this is where, i need coach and fg to guide me.

He has learned to take a bit of advantage of you.

yes, i see that.

But he doesn't want you upset with him--EVER. If you hold it in and really "blow up" it is crushing. You need boundaries that come in force LONG before you blow up at him.

i didn't set proper boundaries. i didn't know how at the time. i admit that was my fault.
if he doesn't want to upset me, he sure didn't do a very good job when he told me that he didn't have confidence that i could handle motherhood (what made him the friggin' expert at that?).

They are VERY intuitive people which in your H, omgoodness--he so knows you.lol.

yes, he probably does. hence he put the ridiculous stuff down on his financial statement.

He will know the INSTANT you are not mad at him. And you can get to him when that happens. He is hoping you make the first move.

i made the first move from friendship to dating.
i made the first physical move - by grabbing his hand. he was too shy to make the first move.

He has seen that when you make up your mind about something, you rarely change it. He thinks he is a "done deal" in your mind.

this is an odd statement. i am a done deal in his mind.
when he asks for a d, he is a done deal. what did he expect? that i would be happy about it?
the day that i stopped hugging him, was the day that he knew he was a done deal.
things were never the same after that.

You could help him out with so many things that bother him and hold him back--your strength is something he greatly admires.

this i know too well.
i am more help to him than anybody on the face of this earth. and i don't say it because i'm cocky or think i'm the best thing that ever happened to him.
i say it because i've been through it.
work is a big part of his life. he needs someone who understands his line of work. someone who listens, offers good feedback, someone to bounce ideas off and doesn't just stand there and smile when he talks. it's like a child talking to his mom about what he did in school today. and the man loves to talk. A LOT.

i encouraged him to do more and get certain certifications that would help his career.

he doesn't even have a resume put together. he doesn't have the proper interviewing skills. could he blow a potential employer away like me? probably not. he's not very skilled at articulating his strengths. yet, he's very talented. could i help him on that front? you bet.

i did a lot of the work to get him the things has today. i make things happen. i don't just talk .. i make it happen. i did a lot of work to make him and his family look good. his wine collection is bigger and better because of me. he bounces ideas off of me on wine. i learned about wine through him and now i'm pretty good at pairing wine with food. he would often turn to me and ask what wine to have with the meal.

I also want to add--he is afraid of you.

that i did not need to hear.
his parents were "afraid of me" at christmas. like wtf? i'm not threatening.
although i have low tolerance for stupidity (aka. his mom).

You are MUCH stronger than him. He is trying to appear tougher than he is--but he is just not that strong.

thanks. and yeah, he relies heavily on mom and dad. couldn't make a decision without consulting with them.

You have let him be "the man". You are unique, in that you didn't dominate him. You could have, but you didn't.

yes, i could have but i didn't.
i don't nag call him. he does whatever he wants.
i think to dominate him would be demoralizing to him. and that's why i don't do that.

He will miss being "the man". You gave him a gift.

will he ever realize this? only time will tell.

He is not going to have a one night stand. Not happening.

thanks for reminding me. i hope you weren't just saying it to make me happy.

dumped.