No, it isn't ME who left - HE LEFT OF HIS OWN VOLITION and THREATENED ME WITH DIVORCE like he does ALL THE TIME! I never asked him to leave, I never wanted him to leave, I never wanted the divorce.
I am okay with different opinions, and I respect that I am not always going to hear what I want to hear. I'm okay with that. what I am NOT okay with is this LongShanks character who I SPECIFICALLY asked to stay OUT of my business. He offers NOTHING. This is a much bigger problem than me just going out and giving my husband a blow job and some sex and everything being all honkey-dorey! If that were the case, we wouldn't be in this situation! I came here for a reason. PLEASE, if I have come to the wrong place, tell me now because I am hurting and I am searching for answers. DON'T WASTE MY TIME!
Katya, I've read all of the posts on this thread and you continue move in a direction that suggests that sex isn't/shouldn't be important to your husband - how long do you expect him to exist in this relationship with you without sex? He has communicated to you that this is a dealbreaker for him, he wants sex, you have communicated to us that you are a sexual being (and your husband no doubt knows this) but you don't want to have sex with him. So in a nutshell, your husband is a sexual being and wants to have sex with you, you are a sexual being and like sex but don't want to have sex with your husband and you have communicated that directly and indirectly to him for obviously a significant amount of time - he feels rejected and he doesn't feel loved by you. Men in relationships with women tend to associate love with sex, you don't have sex with him, you reject him, it's quite possible he feels that you don't love him anymore and he doesn't want to exist in this type of relationship with you anymore.
Regardless if this sounds crappy to hear, it is what you are telling us and I'm not about to sugarcoat any situation for anyone to make them feel better about themselves while ignoring the problems behind these issues.
You need to find out why you don't want to have sex with him anymore. If you resent him or if you're passive aggressive and don't want to communicate problems or issues with your husband and choose to hold it all inside and resent him and have him live in a sexless relationship with you, that part is something you're controlling, not him.
You're both locked in a vicious circle of you do this to me and I'll do this to you, back & forth, round & round and the ride won't stop until one of you stop.
He has told you that he's going to start dating and start having sex with women, guess what, I would believe him - he has communicated to you directly that he wants sex with his wife. He has even gone so far as to tell you that you should start dating other men. This type of communication from him to you suggests to me that he has hit his personal threshold of what he will allow in his life. He reached that point in his life where he had enough of the situation and wants something new, something different, something satisfying his needs because he's probably felt that they weren't satisfied for a very long time.
Don't get me wrong, I'll assume he hasn't satisfied your needs either for a long time, you want romance, you want him to treat you better, you want him to stop threatening you.
I'm at a loss as to what advice I can give you right now, for a long period of time you've been rejecting him and withholding sex and pushing him away. Now he's had enough and he's doing the same with you: moved out, moved away, told you to start dating because he's going to start dating and having sex with other women, he's talking to lawyers/you're talking to lawyers.
That suggestion about going on a date with him and dressing all sexy won't go great, I'll be honest, that would suck: you would ask him out on a date, dress all sexy to tease him? He's probably been looking at you and longing to have sex with you for a very long time (remember what I said, men associating sex with love), you've been teasing him and tormenting him (indirectly controlling him this way) for who knows how long and now you want to go out on a date with him showing up all sexy? That would just be viewed as another attempt by you to tease him, reject him, control him (look at me, you still can't have any of this although I know you want it) - wrong move.
After a while, a guy in this situation is going to disconnect from his wife and look elsewhere to get sex & love because that's what he wants.
Does anyone else want to chime in on this? I think I'm pretty much bang on here but I'll accept any criticism for my post. All I can say for my part, been there done that and that's why it's so hard for me to reconnect with my wife who is actually offering me sex regularly - I find it very difficult to trust her after so many years of rejection.
A marriage today is more about the house, the cars, the vacations, the cottage, the boat and the kids and the money and the possessions. But people fail to recognize that before the marriage, in the beginning there was a relationship with 2 people that that easily satisfied each other's needs and after a while the relationship changed, a marriage occurred, it turned into more of a financial contract & obligation than a relationship.
And Katya, I'm not pointing my finger at you and blaming you for everything, my examples above were all encompassing intended for the larger audience but all we can do is talk to you because your husband isn't on this forum trying to read books on how to restore his marriage and get his wife back. His concerns are more immediate, he wants sex, he wants to be loved and appreciated for who he is and what he does and he apparently isn't getting that from you, that love languages book may be good point of reference to you because it doesn't appear that either of you are speaking each other's language.
