HB - warmest thank you for the wonderful post (((hugs)))
You have yet again put everything into perspective. When I read your posts it helps me to see the situation from the outside, because sometimes you get so entangled in your emotions and are unable to see the big picture. At least I'm...I begin doubting myself, my actions, my reasoning, my hopes and become a little lost not knowing which way is up and which way is down.
So thank you again for helping me to stay grounded
Just came back from business meeting with H. We've met at Starbucks and when I arrived he was already there looking expectantly at me as if expecting a smile and me to rush towards him to greet him. I didn't, I went straight to the counter to order and was chatting with the barrista and pretty much ignored him until I got my latte. Then I joined him at the table, just said business-like hi and told him that I only have 1/2 hour for the meeting. BTW he looked old and thin and had this aura of unhappiness/gloom around him (maybe he is like that only when I'm around). He did attempt to smile at me but I didn't return it.
The meeting was fairly calm, both of our guards were up, he only got ruffled once and caught him self very quickly. I was very business like...standoffish and maybe that's to "dark". Next time I have to try to relax a bit. I may have come across cold...have to work on that.
He brought some paperwork for me and was handing me his expense receipts (business and personal)...He said that it's mostly business and some personal...from our "joint account". So I'm still accounting for all of his personal expenses. He was just about to hand me his utility bills to pay (from his apartment) and I guess he saw my "look" so he said "I can take care of these myself" and he put them away. I said OK.
A mutual friend stopped by our table (she doesn't know what's going on with us). She said, "Wow you guys, look at you working here happily together....." H looked like he wanted to be somewhere else. She was chatting with us for about 5 minutes, I should say with me, because H didn't say a word and didn't know where to look. I'm mentioning this because he seemed extremely uncomfortable with the whole exchange.
After our friend left H brought up a personal issue that has to do with D's sport, I was making some arrangements last week and he wanted to know what I have agreed on. First I just replied that I took care of it, but then he wanted details, so I gave him a very dry version.
I said, "Since you brought up a personal issue I will too. Should I make the confirmation for the dude ranch trip or will you, since you've dealt with it up until now" He said you do it, you are the one going (Do I hear resentment?). I said OK I will. Then he asked how many places are you going to book? I said "Well for me, D, and her friend" so I guess 3. He was looking at me for the longest time and he was really thinking hard about something that he wanted to say, but in the end he didn't say it. I know that he really wants to go and we have 4 available spaces for us, I bet you anything that his little brain was turning overtime trying to figure out how to be part of the trip...did my "dark" face stop him from asking to come along?
Also he commented on my necklace, wanted to know what the symbols on the pendant mean. Gave him a 3-word answer.
I ended the meeting in 1/2 hour, packed up my papers, got up said quick bye and walked away...no smile, no kiss....
Overall it went well, I didn't become emotional and he was really trying not to be defensive. I probably appeared too cold. Have to find a "happy medium"
Now, what do you think, was I too dark? Should I ad more warmth and some smiles into our interactions next time?
Last edited by Mila; 05/27/1006:54 PM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
