Thank you everyone for once again talking me off a ledge. I have a call into my doctor to try and get a faster acting anti-depressant, an anti anxiety and some sleeping pills. I’m still not sleeping or eating well and it’s starting to effect me mentally. Today at work I felt like everyone knew about what was going on (I have only told 3 close friends and my parents about the separation so far), when someone would ask me “is anything new?” “how are you doing?” I felt like they knew something was wrong. I’m paranoid basically which I know is from lack of sleep.
Please don’t give up on me, I promise I’m not TRYING to be difficult – I’m just feeling overwhelmed and it’s kind of like a light bulb just went on or something when I went on craigslist this morning. I was completely shocked. He hasn’t fixed anything and is worse than ever and escalating – and it was like I almost felt empowered or something because its like I finally realized it’s not about me and that he has a problem. I’m still kind of in denial I think and keep thing, well, is it a problem? I think I need to speak to a professional that can help me sort it out.
It’s like I start freaking out and then even being able to write it down and share it with you makes me feel so much better.
I obviously don’t know what my boundaries are but actually seeing that 4 days after he leaves he is out prowling doesn’t make me want to help him anymore. It makes me angry enough and feel disrespected enough that I don’t feel bad packing up his stuff. I just have no idea when he is coming over to get anything. He still hasn’t called me. I know he has an appointment with his therapist today and I have a feeling he will try to work out a plan with the therapist. I’m still going to continue being friendly and cordial. I just want him to get help. Honestly, that’s all I care about at this point and it’s been so hard not having anyone else know about his “deep, dark secret”. When I found out before he begged me not to tell anyone and said he felt like dying because he was so ashamed and he said he wanted to get help. I know what I am doing is not working and that is going to change.
I am afraid that because his parents don’t know they are going to enable him to continue his behavior. I know right now he is staying there and his mom spoils him and caters to him. There is nothing I can do about that but that worries me that it will hinder any progress I try to make on my end.
I also have an unrelated question to your separations in general. Did you tell your friends and family? did you tell boss/co workers? What did you tell them? What did you discuss? Did you wear your wedding/engagement rings?
