Sorry Anned...I feel like I am underqualified to give you any advice since your H is an addict and that is complicated territory.
Are you in IC?
He does need help. But my gut says that he needs to hit rock bottom.
I think you should not worry that he is going to get the divorce papers any time soon. If he moves his stuff out, fine. Again, please look on these boards and you will see that it takes most WAS a long time before they file for D.
So during that time, you should see an IC and research sex addiction, etc. Do you have any dealbreakers?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I feel like i'm getting ready to have a nervous breakdown. I can't take this. I don't know what to do. Somebody please help. I think I'm in denial I don't know what to do. No one knows that he has seen prostitutes except for me - I want to tell his parents so he can tr to get more help or something. What should I do? I'm desperate and feel alone.
Keep doing what you have been doing that isn't working.
OR
LISTEN TO US AND DO WHAT WE HAVE SEEN WORK.
It is your choice.
I strongly suggest that you do the following even though it goes against what you think should work:
1) Have faith in the process. 2) Pack us his stuff, have it ready for him to pick up. You can do this in stages if you want. 3) Start with his clothes and toiletry. MAKE THE MASTER BEDROOM ALL YOURS. MAKE THE MASTER BATH ALL YOURS.
4) IF HE SHOWS UP, GO FOR A DRIVE. BE GONE FOR HOURS.
Let us know when his stuff is out of YOUR ROOM.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I feel like i'm getting ready to have a nervous breakdown. I can't take this. I don't know what to do. Somebody please help. I think I'm in denial I don't know what to do. No one knows that he has seen prostitutes except for me - I want to tell his parents so he can tr to get more help or something. What should I do? I'm desperate and feel alone.
Sweetie, I can understand why you feel alone. We are here for you.
DO NOT TELL HIS PARENTS. Just tell us for now.
I know it is hard. You can handle it. Take things one minute at a time. One second at a time if needed. No matter what happens, everything will be OK.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am not trying to be rude. I am at work today and I seriously feel like I’m getting ready to have an anxiety attack. I shouldn’t have come back today it was too much for me.
This is more serious then I thought. He obviously has a problem that for some reason I was blind to before. When he left he made it feel like it was because of me but now that I know he is seeking out other women and I’m 99% positive he visited someone several days ago I am extremely concerned.
At this point I have no problem packing up his stuff. I thought he was working on this issue but now I feel like he is walking all over me and using me an excuse for his behavior. At this point packing it up isn’t my question.
I want to know if I can get his parents involved and let them know what is going on? Can I confront him and tell him I’m not going to enable him anymore and ask him to get help? I feel like I need to tell someone. This is tearing me apart. He is destroying himself.
How could I have not seen it before? I feel so dumb. But the other incidences I guess I just thought they were minor but now it is clear this is an issue.
I am not trying to be rude. I am at work today and I seriously feel like I’m getting ready to have an anxiety attack. I shouldn’t have come back today it was too much for me.
Can you leave work? Can you get a Dr Apt? Your Dr can prescribe something that will help.
Quote:
I want to know if I can get his parents involved and let them know what is going on? Can I confront him and tell him I’m not going to enable him anymore and ask him to get help?
If you choose to tell them, it most likely will make it worse. This is HIS issue to work out.
Quote:
I feel like I need to tell someone. This is tearing me apart. He is destroying himself.
I can understand. It is important for you to DETACH right now. Read up on detachment.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Last year I was diagnosed with a situational panic disorder so I can relate to the anxiety.
Can you find a quiet place for a few minutes? Close your eyes and breath. While you are doing that visualize your body slowing down rather than speeding up internally. Try and think of each part of your body as you visualize your "internal flow" normalizing.
