Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Yes, we definitely have come a long way since last September, but I'm just ready to be at the finish line already! But I know - must have patience...for a little longer!

So a few interesting things the last few days. I had texted with H a bit a Tuesday day time, but I didn't talk to him at all that night. After I went to bed I get a text from H saying "You didn't text me tonight... =\" Ok, not that I am the only one that can initiate texts, right? I was completely asleep, so I didn't even see the text til the next morning. I never acknowledged that text, but just proceeded to instead ask how his day was, which he never responded back on, so whatever.

Later, he texts to say that he just completed his paperwork for the surgery! I took that chance to ask him where he was planning on recovering at. He said at his parents. For him, it probably is the best place b/c he will have his mom and me to take care of him, but for "us" it's not. During the day time, since my in-laws watch S, I will be caring for both S and H (normally S is fine w/o me, but if I'm there, he's not going to let me go). Then I will have to leave at night for S's bedtime, which means no "us" time at night with H. I was just really hoping to have time to just be together and watch movies, etc. This would have worked perfectly at my house or even if we were to stay at his place, we could have made a temporary home. We stayed at his parents for a month when we were first married while we were finishing up our house, and they were completely loving, but there was just way too much mommy babying and didn't really allow us to be us or a couple. Oh well, that's just the way it is though. Let's just get thru the surgery and on with our lives.

So H was there last night when I went to pick up S. It's weird how much of a Jekyll and Hyde he can be. On Sunday when I saw him, he was very loving (but no one was there watching either). Then last night when I come, he gives me a half hug and turns his head so I end up giving him a kiss on the cheek. His parents were sitting right there on the couch, so I don't know if he's afraid of getting their hopes up of a reconciliation or what? So anyways, S and I are on our way out and I hear H on the phone making plans with his friends for that night (but he's still not drinking right now as far as I know, which is great). When he walks us to the car, I make the suggestion that we should get together either Thurs or Fri night (I'm thinking we should actually have some fun time together before the surgery next week), but he says no, but says he took off Monday for Memorial Day and he'll see us then. Me, taken aback a little, asked him if he already had plans then for those nights and he says no. Ok, then, it seems a little weird to me, but whatever. I can't make him want to spend time with me, but it did hurt a little. I continue to feel like I put so much of myself into us, and I just want to see a little bit back. But again, whatever, let's just get thru this surgery.

Last thing to note, I got news last night that S created quite the art project, thanks to H. So my MIL had given S new crayons and a coloring book. He did really well and was just coloring on the coloring book like a good boy. Then MIL goes to change her clothes and leaves H to watch him. From my understanding of the situation, H wasn't really watching him and S took off into the kitchen and colored all across the kitchen floor! Yes, S will have to learn what is appropriate to draw on but I was sooo upset at H for not watching S like he was supposed to! Every time H is in charge of S, he doesn't do his job. Sometimes he falls asleep or like this time, doesn't watch him. Hello, he's only 1 1/2 years old and a very curious and active one at that! You can't do that! H is just lucky that he didn't get himself in any more trouble then that. MIL made H clean up all the mess (luckily after much scrubbing, it did come off). But uggg, I just cringe at the thought of H having S alone ever in any type of custody arrangement. Ahhhh!