Busted. So are you in little better place in your head?
i am a bit. it helped because it allowed me to put the focus on me. and i need that kind of help. otherwise, i end up ranting and putting the focus on h.
i think you understood that pounding the same thing in to my head wasn't going to get through. the only way was to change the subject and make me talk about me. smart tactic and it worked.
Quote:
the emotional part. You seem more pragmatic, in control of your emotions, problem-solving, think thru issues instead of feeling thru them, and no drama. These are all great traits. Your H seems more of the "feeling" one in the R. MWD talks about the see-saw in R.
i don't know if i'm really in control of my emotions - at least, not of late. internally, i am a basket case.
it's odd that you say that my h is the "feeling" one because his myers-briggs test shows that he isn't a 'feeler'. and i think he's proud of that because guys don't want to be known as 'feelers'.
for me, we can't both be basket cases. just like both of us can't be lavish spenders. we'd go broke and it's funny, i usually held back on the spending because i thought that going into debt and having money problems would put a strain on our relationship and that would lead to d.
we weren't broke. we had different spending habits and we never.
if spending made him happy, i was all for it. spending didn't make me happy so i didn't do it as often. remember this though .. i will touch on this again later in my note.
Quote:
When someone says "you don't understand me." That is a emotional response not a intellectual one. And when your spouse says that it means the emotional connection has problems.
why doesn't he understand the emotional connection that i need when we are intimate? he can't expect me to understand his bond with his parents and not understand that i need to feel that bond between me and him in order to be intimate?
Quote:
Notice how it felt when you were told that "we have never interviewed someone like you." They spoke your LL - words of affirmation. They understand you. It wasn't the money but the feeling of being appreciated for who you are. That creates the emotional connection.
here i thought my LL was physical touch and quality time.
coach.. i get it. being discarded is the same as being told that 'you're not what i'm looking for'. it hurts. when i was told that it was over, it felt like i was being terminated from a job that i felt i was doing well at. i never got a progress report to tell me what i was doing right or what i was doing wrong so i would get a chance to change it or improve. i just got terminated with no explanation.
in reality, i was once laid off from a job i was really good at. i never got over it. to this day, i am still very angry. i moved on to other jobs. but i was never fully invested in any of them. this is how i feel about the possibility of a future relationship. i would never be fully invested in it and therefore, i wouldn't even try. i do see the pattern. and that's what people don't understand about me. i know me. and i would never be fully invested in the next person who wants a relationship with me. in order to have a good relationship, you have to take that risk to be vulnerable and have both feet in. the thought of being in a relationship just to say you have someone to grow old with for the rest of your life is not a relationship i want.
i want to be lost in good conversation. i want to laugh until my cheeks hurt. i want to look at someone and nothing else matters. i want to be with someone who makes me want to be a better person. i want to be with someone who says i'm worth it.
will i find that again? i don't know. unlikely. my h was the only one who ever got to know the real me. he saw my strengths. he benefitted from my strengths. later, he took advantage of my good nature.
when i opened my eyes, i saw how i was being taken for granted. so many small incidents where i would just shake my head. it's fighting like children over toys. taking for the sake of taking or being greedy. secretly taking so the other person didn't know. but i knew. and i just let it go.
i can't let the jewellery go because it is my last fight. i've had enough of this childish taking.
Quote:
Do the work. Know thyself. Become aware, use all your senses. Be grateful. That's how I handle it.
it's a struggle for me every day.
i like the questions you fire at me to get me to focus on me. it let's you know who i am and how to effectively get me to process the information and advice i am given.
