Hi IDU. Just read your last post. Just my 2 cents but I don't see how your W is being an a$$? See agreed to MC which has got to be a huge step for her. She was probably very apprehensive about agreeing to MC in the first place...a big step for her. She probably figured you might push the envelope with her and want more right away and you did. Now she's pulling back a little. I can understand that.
I've read on here that so many times when a W starts to show the slightest sign of movement the H jumps all over it and wants more. It's difficult not to, I know. If I were you I would just be happy right now that she is going to MC and take it slowly one step at a time. You're finally beginning to see some progress. You've been patient this long. Continue to be patient with the schedule she is comfortable with.
You said you weren't sure why she finally wants to go to MC. I understand your anxiety but it might be starting to show to your W. She knows why you want to go. My advice would be to just go to the MC and see what happens. My W wanted MC at the beginning for closure. I wanted to go for reconiliation. At this point in my sitch I would be happy if she would still consider MC at all. I would take any way I could to get her into MC now.
Again, this is just my observation for what it's worth. I know you're wanting more from your W right now but maybe just continue to take it one step at a time and not pressure her? Good luck with your MC!
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Just my 2 cents but I don't see how your W is being an a$$?
I don't mean about going to MC, just her attitude in general. It seem the more I am upbeat and happy, she goes further the other way.
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She was probably very apprehensive about agreeing to MC in the first place...a big step for her.
You're right, she was. She has refused for months to entertain the idea.
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She probably figured you might push the envelope with her and want more right away and you did. Now she's pulling back a little. I can understand that.
Again, you're probably right. I didn't see it that way, of course. I was just trying to give some different options. I just told her to look at the literature and think about it. I can see what you're saying, though.
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I've read on here that so many times when a W starts to show the slightest sign of movement the H jumps all over it and wants more. It's difficult not to, I know. If I were you I would just be happy right now that she is going to MC and take it slowly one step at a time. You're finally beginning to see some progress. You've been patient this long. Continue to be patient with the schedule she is comfortable with.
I am happy she has agreed to go. And I do wonder about her motives. Maybe it does show, I don't know. I try not to let it. So many things in my mind to do correct and not screw up. Yet, I continue to do so.
I'm sure you are right; go and see what happens, no pressure and patience.
One thing I have learned from this entire situation is that women can REALLY hold onto a grudge and be VERY nasty. I always thought it was a cliche before, but this situation has really opened my eyes. My wife although cordial, has turned into an ice queen
M: 39 W: 39 Kids (3): S10; S8; D4 Married 14 years Togethor: 18 years Wife's Weird Behavior Started: 2nd Half of 2009 Bomb Dropped (about being "so done"): 2/17/10 Current Status: In counseling
One thing I have learned from this entire situation is that women can REALLY hold onto a grudge and be VERY nasty. I always thought it was a cliche before, but this situation has really opened my eyes. My wife although cordial, has turned into an ice queen
Women hold onto memories when they were emotionally hurt by someone that they expected to care for, support and love them. Their feelings are hurt and until you do something to acknowledge and remedy the hurt they stay hurt. Your wifes feelings matter. Be aware.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach, your comments raise a question for me. How do you acknowledge and remedy the hurt if you are separated and they won't talk to you? I'd love to write my W a letter of apology expressing this but I know that's considered pursuing behavior. I try to show her the best I can now (due to the separation) through my actions. Any thoughts?
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Women hold onto memories when they were emotionally hurt by someone that they expected to care for, support and love them. Their feelings are hurt and until you do something to acknowledge and remedy the hurt they stay hurt. Your wifes feelings matter. Be aware.
I thought I got it, Coach. My problem is, how do I acknowledge her feelings,(I have, BTW) and remedy those without being perceived as pursuing?
As you say, be a leader. I have finally understood and put this into action. I let her be in her moods, which is most of the time. I try not to let it get to me and not let her see that it does. I'm sure she sees through it sometimes. With suggesting Retrou., in my mind, I was showing her other options. The next one is the weekend of June 4, so it is coming up quickly, or I would have never brought it up at this time.
I know there is nothing I can do if she is only going to MC to "save face". I can't mind read.
I guess wait for the MC session and go from there.
One thing I have learned from this entire situation is that women can REALLY hold onto a grudge and be VERY nasty. I always thought it was a cliche before, but this situation has really opened my eyes. My wife although cordial, has turned into an ice queen
Women hold onto memories when they were emotionally hurt by someone that they expected to care for, support and love them. Their feelings are hurt and until you do something to acknowledge and remedy the hurt they stay hurt. Your wifes feelings matter. Be aware.
hmmmm..
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
Not surprised to hear your W's reaction to Retrouvaille. Probably looked at the info like you just handed her a pamphlet from the Hare Krishnas. I thought about that when I recently got a prayer devotions booklet with a lot of good articles on taking care of your marriage. Thought about showing it to my W and ask if she would read it, but then thought that she'd treat it like some unwelcome handout from a religious group.
They have to be ready for it. You can still try to sell Retro as a much cheaper alternative that supposedly has an 80% success rate.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Not surprised to hear your W's reaction to Retrouvaille. Probably looked at the info like you just handed her a pamphlet from the Hare Krishnas. I thought about that when I recently got a prayer devotions booklet with a lot of good articles on taking care of your marriage. Thought about showing it to my W and ask if she would read it, but then thought that she'd treat it like some unwelcome handout from a religious group.
They have to be ready for it. You can still try to sell Retro as a much cheaper alternative that supposedly has an 80% success rate.
In hindsight, I'm sure I should not have brought it up at this time. If she is going to MC for the right reasons, I know it took some courage for her to agree to go. I'm sure it seemed like I was pressuring her. Not my intention, of course. Just one of many mistakes on my part in this mess. I think I am making fewer though.
The info was still on the counter when I got home and I could tell she had looked through it. No more pressure. Just have to wait and see.
