Fair points, Tristan. But my thirst for validation I don't completely think is wrong or counterproductive. I don't think it's wrong for me to deserve acknowledgement when I do something for my W or something that displays genuine thought. That's what life is all about. She doesn't need to throw a party, but she can offer a little something to show that she is acknowledging the things I do. And it doesn't need to be every time...just once in a while. But she doesn't want to lead me on or make me feel like I am earning any points. Part of me feels like I am being punished.
I do think she's just letting time pass as she sees where things go on their own without the influence of a MC. Maybe she is not ready to start down that road. I am not going to push that issue anymore. And there are little things I need to deal with better, such as when I go out and purchase a Blu-Ray movie I know she wants to see, she will watch it alone. She won't ask if I want to watch it, too or with her. She will pick times to watch movies when I am either preoccupied or not home.
Each day I am believing my changes more and more. I am much happier about the person I am today as opposed to 4 months ago. I am much more patient and understanding of others, I have let go of a lot of my negativity and try to be more positive. I have also gotten closer to my faith again and found a lot of comfort and strength in it. But most of all, I have a much deeper love for my family and children and I have put them at the top of my priority list.
I went to a school reunion last week and walked in alone, cold turkey and faced people I haven't seen in almost 30 years. I don't think I would have had the courage to do that even 4 months ago without my M or a friend next to me. As someone who doesn't like crowds, doesn't converse too well with people and generally shies away from the spotlight, I still can't believe that I faced it head-on -- and I had an amazing time!
