Need Help with Husband's MLC

[JeanBean]

Thanks very much for the words of wisdom HeartsBlessing! I know that you are right and it is very hard to let go, he has been in my life for such a long time and I don't want to be just his "friend" or the mother of his children.

I guess part of me feels really guilty because I have done alot of wrong too, I want to make it different but he doesn't and not even being given the chance hurts alot.

I basically did the same thing to him when we split before, I walked away and did not listen when he wanted to work on things, I wasn't interested - I was very angry and also ashamed of myself, I blamed it all on him but knew deep down that it wasn't right, we both were doing wrong in different ways instead of really trying. I ran away... so I do understand where he is coming from and learned myself how wrong it was.

"No one said it was easy, but it CAN be done..learn to recognize the buttons he pushes, and try and remember that it's ONLY words, they can't hurt you...you know the truth within your heart, and no amount of anger/spewing can take that away."

"When a person does something to another, the person that does it has a problem, not the person it's being done to."

The above are extremely helpful to me and I need to remember these when I am feeling weak and lost which seems to be happening alot.

When we were split before I met a woman at work who told me to "let go and let God, you are in the way" and it seems to be something that has been told to me often over the past 5 years. Perhaps I am more hard-headed and stubborn than I thought I was, my "helping" isn't "helping".

Another thing that I found very straight forward and useful was when she shook her head and told me to "woman-up!" She was a very wise woman who had lived a hard life and God helped her change everything for herself, a wonderful strong woman!

Sometimes when my husband talks to me it seems like he is light-years ahead of me and "gets things" and understands things and is so right on target that it is amazing. For a man, he can be such a deep thinker and understands people and their motives and intentions with amazing accuracy.

Thanks again for your words, they truly do help me and the support is welcomed!