The one thing you and Tristan both write is the "what about me" issue and the need for credit from me. You are right. I have been trying so hard for so long I think I have reached a point where I am starting to expect something in return.
If Sandi, my W, and I all picked up on it over the ether; then I believe it is safe to say your W is picking up on it too. So if we assume this and if I have patched the timeline back together right, she sees the following:
"H didn't change until I told him I am done. Then when he did change, he expected me to just turn around and recipricate. And if I don't he stews. You see, he really hasn't changed; he is still only in it for himself."
At least that is what my W thought about me. Three months is not a long time in these situations. These are complicated situations that take time to work out. I don't know if it will take 18 months for your W to fully believe in your changes. But I do know that you will have to fully believe them before your W does. I learned a lot about myself in the 2 yrs that my M was on the verge of collapse. I enjoy the little things much more now. I am a better person, I am less selfish, and a happier person.
You can not control nor even persuade your W right now. And the more you try, the more she is going to go the other way. Right now, the only person you can change is you. So imagine the person you want to be. Now think what would he do if he were in my situation and then do what he would do.
