I think shocking events, like divorce, enable the belief of the inner bullshit meter... trusting your gut.
Like you said... she's a co-worker whose abilities you respect. And that's as far as it goes. And if her actions feel wrong, you do what it takes to feel at ease, healthy.
Kerry's post is insightful.
Be good to you, know what works for you and embrace it. She's no longer your wife and lost all the privileges it entails.
