Thinking About Life after Divorce

[Thinker]

Greek,

I think you are right, except that I don't think she is capable of feeling her world rocking or of putting on the big girl panties.

I predict she's going to bunker down in victim mode and call in air strikes from her L until the money runs out.

Such is life. I can handle it.

[ClingingToHope]

Act like you are writing a story -- one that you'll read in 10 years and be proud of.

[antlers]

I can handle it.

That kind of attitude is strength...a healing medicine. It'll get you through it.

And any other damn thing you ever have to deal with!

[Lotus]

Do you know what the usual settlement regarding custody is in your state?

[Thinker]

There doesn't appear to be a "usual" settlement. From what I have been told the guideline is "in the best interest of the children". Until recently the courts often interpreted "in the best interest of the children" as meaning that the kids stayed with mom. In the past years, however, things have been changing and joint legal / joint physical custody has become more normal.

Courts have recently been deciding that "in the best interest of the children" means equal access to both parents.

[The Wifey]

Demand that you have the right to be their father. Just because she doesn't want to be married doesn't mean they should lose their father, too. D*mn that woman.

[Thinker]

It's stbx-Mrs. Thinker's night with the kids, so I'm out at a local bar, drinking a beer, eating fish tacos, and filling out the paperwork to file for a divorce...

Life is good!

[theroadback]

My wife filed on me last month, it sucks but not allot you can do but go with it. I tried for four years, I still do not understand how they just can't forgive, let go the past and work on things. But that's there choice.

[d1adsl5a]

Thinker,

You won't be able to get full custody. You will always lose and cost tens of thousands. Unless you can prove an unfit mother...

What you can get is joint custody obviously. You have no choice but to fight for extra time in court. I told my wife, no divorce unless I get 50% of the time with the boys. We are splitting the week, every week. Stay strong.

[g450]

My wife filed on me last month, it sucks but not allot you can do but go with it. I tried for four years, I still do not understand how they just can't forgive, let go the past and work on things. But that's there choice.

It's simple. She needs to justify what she is doing in her own mind. Wrong or right, it is her excuse to forgive herself for destroying a family.

In my case she really did not have any excuses at all because I was always a good husband to her.

So what did she do? She Used the old MLC standby "It's not you it's me". And "I just don't love you anymore".

What a freaking joke. Don't try to apply logic to it. There is none in their mind. Logic goes out the window.

Just understand that there is little to nothing you can do about her. Just take care of yourself and stop trying to figure her out. You will only drive yourself insane. Ask me how I know.