Damn! I'm so not at a place yet where I could pack up all his stuff. I know from reading everyones comments this is probably the "right" thing to do but I need to get a little strong first. I know I will get there and can take more positive steps but for now I'm just trying to get through the day and packing up his clothes would make my anxiety sky rocket.
Be originaly said that he hadn't actually visited a prostitue since before the affair. I believed him, stupidly. For some reason in my head that made it better. Well, since he had written the secet email address in his regualr email which I have access to. I went to yahoo -typed in the email address and used a password that he used for other things and it worked. I was stuneed. There were hundreds of emails bakcand forth with women over the span of 3 years. And he has lied (surprise!), he had visit a prosiste and contact them between his affair ending and the present time. Surprisinly he was also contacting prosiste DURING his affair (and affair in which he said he was "deeply in love" - gag me). The emails were painful to read - especailly since our sex life ha been almost non-existent.
I really thought he had a problem. Especially since a lot of the emails were DESPERATE - if the women didn't answer right away he would keep emailing and emailing. One of the emails he waited for a women after work for 5 hours to try and meet her but she never came - he still didn't give up and kept emailing her for weeks. I thought something was seriously wrong. I actually still do (but according to the therapist its just "problematic" - riiiiight)
He immediately closed the account and vowed to get help and that it would never happen again. He seemed EXTREMELY remorseful and asked me to stick by him. He talked about getting through it and renewing our vows so we could start over.
Looking at the dates on the emails he would contact the women around times of signficance (christmas, anniversary, grandma in hospial) then he would go months with no emails at all. I think he used it as an escape just like he would alcohol, etc.
I also found emails where he was putting ads on craigslist for older women to contact him. It has always been a fantasy/like of his. He loves older women (45-55).
After all this it made me absolutely CRAZY. Anytime I would see an attractive older woman I would get jealous and so insecure.'
I actually believe he may have been a prositute several days ago. I have access to our phone records (cell phone) and also I our phones have GPS so if you go to the website it will show you where you are. I called one of the numbers and it was a calling card. I blocked my number and called the number after that and it was some woman. I could see from the tracking on the phone he was at a house (in a seedy part of town) for about 20 minutes and then I could see he drove into the town to gamble. I obviously was not there and dont have absolute proof but I'm pretty sure.
I sound kind of crazy about but I kind of got to that point after all the deception.
This is also an indication that it seems he seeks these things out when he is in turmoil. I know for almost sure he did not see any prostitues from Jan - several days ago.
