Hey MrBond! I originally discovered the prositutes in Jan 2010. I found an email from WH with subject "red head for fun" (or something like that). And he wrote in the email "Do you have any availability today?"
I immediately called my husband (it was a Thursday and I was in the office away from home) and he said that it excited them to email these women and get pictures from them and we could talk about it when I got home (it was a longer discussion that that but that was the gist). I knew there was more to it because why would you ask someone's "availability" if you just wanted to see pictures (not that pictures are much better).
So, when I got home - husband admitted that he has seen a prostitute 4 or 5 times. He said that he has only gotten blow jobs and worn a condomn every time. He said that much of the excitement was from contacting them and seeing pictures.
I actually believe him about wearing a condomn (and yes, I have been tested several times) - he was always very cautious when we were dating and overly paranoid.
He told me he was deeply ashamed and I was the only what that knew and now I knew his "deep dark secret". I wanted him to leave (I don't think I actually wanted him to leave but I think I wanted him to validate me that he wanted to stay) but he told me not to give up on him and he would get help.
That was when he started seeing his current therapist. We sought out a very well know "sex problem/addiction" therapist. I am very angry now looking back. I originally though the reason he was going into therapy was to deal with this issue. At the first session the therapist met with me for an hour by myself, my husband for an hour by himself and then us together for an hour. The therapist at that time said that on the scale of "sexual addiction" he thought my husband's problem was more "problematic" then an actual addiction. He believed my husband seeked out "adrenaline inducing" activities (ex: my husband is an entertainer for a living (thrill of the crowd); he likes to gamble; he drinks more than average and then sometimes drives)
I thought he was going to therapy to work on all these things. When WH tells me he is leaving on Sat he informs me that the entire time he was talking about our relationship. Of course I wasn't in the sessions but I don't feel as though WH really dealt with any of the above issues. I feel like he used all of our flexible spending money (it was $180 per WEEK) to basically convince himself that he should leave me. Husband said numerous times over course of therapy that this therapist was the kind that didn't really say anything... which is fine except for the fact that I don't think he was really given tools to change anything. WH said that therapist told him "it doesn't seem like we are getting anywhere. We should bring in your wife and let her know the news" (something to that effect). Basically telling husband that thigns didn't sound like they were working out so he should move on.
There is nothing I can do about it but WH is still seeing this guy and I am almost beating myself up that we didn't choose someone different.
