@kat - I don't want to be rude either, which is why I struggle a bit. Don't want to be rude but don't want to be nice when someone doesn't deserve it. I don't really want to be friends. Like I said, I don't really respect her as a person anymore and after all her insistences that we share nothing in common, I see little to build a friendship on. I feel a bit like the entire marriage was a lie. Perhaps that's an overreaction to her overreaction, but the whole thing left a sour taste in my mouth that hasn't really gone away. So no, I don't really think friendship is a likely possibility. Cordiality, yes, but not friendship.
Who on earth goes to Tucson in July - are you crazy? I'm going to Canada in July. I'll go to Tucson in October.
@Kalni - yes, her habit of always "sleeve-tugging" seems to me a way of relying on me somewhat. I'm not sure I understand it, but it's led me to build higher and higher walls and I think she's finally realized we have no connection. She doesn't try as much as she used to, although she still tries. I guess I struggle with whether my walls are creating bitterness - whether it might be better to let them down. She seems to be the courteous one, being pleasant and making friendship attempts. On the other hand, when you burn your hand, you don't reach back into the flame.
@Kerry - I guess it does help to know it's not just me. My XW recently went back to where we used to live and where many of our close friends reside in order to do some work. When I asked her how it went, she said she holed up in an acquaintance's house and didn't let anyone know she was there. She said this was because she needed the retreat, but I think it has more to do with the fact that she probably no longer knows how to relate to those people, or doesn't know how to reach out to them. In other words, the same thing that helped end our marriage. But maybe that's just me - I certainly couldn't imagine traveling to a city and not contacting the old friends that lived there.
It sounds like I'm similar to your friend - working with the X but wanting as little contact as possible. As I mentioned earlier, I sometimes worry if that is causing me to be unhealthy about the D, but I'm probably putting too much thought into it. My parents D'ed and my mom still complains about my dad and I just don't want to end up the same way.
I'm not sure if I'm ready for another R. I suppose it'll happen when it happens, but I have a hard time imagining living with another person after getting used to living on my own again. I also have had enough disturbing conversations with women - in which they seemed to put stock only in the love of attraction and not in long-term relationships - that I have a hard time imagining relationships as a viable possibility. But I'm sure that when I meet the right person, my fears will fly straight out the window. For now, though, I'm happy traveling my own route.
