My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

update--

so Texas professor is in town now. we spent last evening/night together, had breakfast, then had coffee for 2 hours. lots of talking about a variety of things, lots of...not talking. a lovely time overall, and he is now off to see family, then friends from grad school, then to the race (you know, that race we have here in Indianapolis in May!) and he will be back on my side of town on Memorial Day, then leaving the next day.

haven't seen each other for a year...so there was some awkwardness at times. but not too bad. once we started talking, it was very comfortable...we could always talk about anything together, even 28+ years ago. and we hit some deep topics, ranging from the need for public transit to community health to faith to grace to evil. he talked some about his son (in prison, bipolar, not well-managed there), some about his role in the failed marriage--as I also did. prior to his visit, we sort of cleared the air about "expectations" or lack thereof, and the goal was just to spend some time together relaxing, getting to know each other a bit better. it will be awhile before he wants to be in an exclusive, serious relationship--and that's probably ok; after 25 years of marriage, much of it "horrible," 2 years isn't a lot of recovery time. he spent quite a bit of time trying to convince me it was time to date--which I really feel no big need to do. not because of him, just because I'm pretty happy right now and I just want to dwell in the contentment for awhile. I mentioned that I had been in very few relationships, most were unhealthy, and then...there's this one. which feels very comfortable, very healthy--but then, he's in Texas, I'm here, we get together infrequently but communicate a lot and have been helpful in each others' healing (which has been significant since this time last year). and so we see each other at our best and don't have to deal with the day-to-day. neither of us is real sure we ever want to marry again...but both of us miss being married--the positive parts, like being an intact family, having someone to come home to, to sleep with, to talk to, to support and be supported by. except most of those parts were long in the past for both of us. we both value this relationship greatly, and I think we both fear losing the deep friendship if things got bad romantically. but at this point, neither of us feels desperate or "needs" this...and yet, here we still are.

I don't quite know what to do with this. the more I get to know him (as he is today, as well as how he was 28 years ago) the more I respect and value who he is. and I know that if he became serious with someone else (and I really don't know how likely that is) that person would NOT be comfortable with our relationship, as much as he says they'd have to accept it (well, obviously the physical part would have to change...and it's hard to put that genie back in the bottle!)--I really don't see anyone not feeling threatened by the emotional intimacy we have.

this feels safer, more comfortable than any relationship I've ever had; I'm far healthier than I've ever been when in a relationship. I would really like to give this a chance, and I don't know how patient I'm going to have to be for how long. I don't feel any urgency, but I would truly hate to lose this intimacy and positive, healthy support.

so I'm open to wisdom. anyone got any?