Madonna/Whore Part 8 (aka Attachment Therory)

[Heywyre]

Well can you believe it ...2-3 years ago I was posting on here saying things were getting better - what was I thinking? The only difference now if that I have wasted another 3 years of my life for what?

A couple of months ago I told H that I was going back to counselling for ME - if he chose to go, good for him but I was not holding my breath. Interestingly enough he went too, however it is too little too late. Now all of a sudden he is this blubbering mass of emotions and "now sees everything". In the meantime I have moved on and really don't see the point in wasting anymore time in this marriage.
The terrible thing about it is I still have feelings for the man and don't want to hurt him but I know I will. He can feel me pulling away from him and it breaks my heart to see him this way (he is 65 years old and I am presuming he thought this would be his last realtionship)

I truly don't know how to handle this whole mess. I should have left years ago when it would have been easier to just hate him and walk out. Now I have watied too long and I feel terrible.

I told him I needed time and that he was smothering me so he has currently moved into the spare room but I would prefer he move out of the house but we really can't afford it at this time as he has made yet another several purchases of vehicles (without my knowledge) and put us in a financial pinch. I know if we separate we will have to deal with this but at least then it will involve selling the house to pay for things (which I really don't want to do but do I have a choice?)

God help me get through this mess