I think this is my home for the next 6 months...

[Punktmann]

Shelbel, Eric wrote to you

Very good place to be. Just remember that the forgivness is not to "help" him - it is to help you, which once again is the only thing you can control.

I couldn't agree with this more. It's difficult to describe the peace that comes with letting the anger go and forgiving. It is really essential to your own recovery.

Unfortunately it's not like a switch we can throw and be done with. You'll work hard on that and start feeling like you're doing well with it. Then either he'll do or say something to bring back the anger, or your kids will say something that breaks your heart, or some other unpleasant circumstance that derives from this will happen, and bang, you backslide back to angry, and have to start all over.

The good news is that each time, you will be less angry, and each time it will take more to make you backslide, and each time it gets a little easier to forgive.

I mention this so you don't beat yourself up when it happens.

I don't feel like I'm doing such a great job, but I hear it IRL too, so I must be doing okay.

You've picked up a lot, and faster than most.

Your phone call was a good example. You kept your cool, and didn't bite back with anger. I bet that was hard, but you did good.

The non-commital answers when he's complaining about a situation (that of course he created,) are a winner. That type of accusatory venting is an invitation to start an argument.

You'll need some variation besides "okay" though, when he recognizes that you are actively avoiding a fight, it'll set him off. I see, that's too bad, I understand, that must be frustrating.



Best,

Punktmann