still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Well I am back from my therapist appointment and no WH or S! I am hoping that WH interpreted my text as "for tomorrow only" and maybe since they aren't here, he did. I see no evidence of them being here either. Hmm.

I want to reflect on some things my therapist said today.

1)He said if I am still wanting to strategize to get WH to drop the D and reconcile,then he advises that I continue with the same strategy for longer before changing it up. Makes sense.He reminded me that appearing happy and confident is more attractive than sad and angry. I pointed out that it is unnatural to think someone who doesn't want the divorce is happy but he said that by this point, I have probably shown WH that I don't want it. By being happy it shows that I have accepted it and am confident to move on with my life; my happiness does not depend on him. YOu know- the same stuff MWD says!

2)When I told him that I decided to wait until S' first birthday before filing and that I would just inform WH he suggested that instead, I might want to do some temperature checking or R talk at that time and let him know that I am going to file unless he wants to R. This needs to be flushed out more...

3)I discussed how to respond to my friends who are disgusted at this point and just don't support me taking him back. He said that too much explanation on my end will sound defensive. He recommended that I thank them for all of their help and support (maybe be specific) and then say with confidence "I have my reasons."



4)At the very end, my therapist asked me if I had a history of bad treatment in other relationships. How humiliating! I have not and told him but I am so embarrassed because obviously he thinks I am allowing myself to be mistreated or something. I always say "CHOOSING" versus "ALLOWING" are 2 different things- I am not a victim, I am purposely trying to preserve my marriage! Now I didn't tell him all that but I did explain that no, but in my family I have seen histories of marriage, divorce and in the end the last husband still had issues so why nor stick with the current H I have, work on our issues and try my damndest to keep this marriage going. He said that it was noble and he understood.