I will also pick up a few books on control. Any suggestions?
Eric, Early on in my sitch, when my W was still in the house she picked up this book by Patricia Evans "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" (she never read it, in fact she never read anything) Anyhow, the author Patricia Evans did a good job of outlining what verbal abuse is and the controling behavior it stems from and why.
She has a couple of other books out which I have not read, but one of them is "Controling People". Now let me state for the record, I am no fan of Ms. Evans. I disagree with her viewpoint and conclusions in the Verbally Abusive Relationship. She paints Verbal Abuse and Controling behavior as almost an exclusively male trait in marriages or relationships. (WRONG!!) Additionally she holds little hope if any that a Verbal Abuser and/or Controler can change. (I disagree) Her answer seems to be bail out of the relationship. So know this going in if you decide to read the book, and also the book is written for the abused or the victim to read.
All that being said, the book was an eye openner for me as what kinds of things we say and do that come across as controling. IMO knowing what it is that you are doing or having "awareness" is the first step in changing that behavior.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
