SANDI I know what you mean re: my W's therapist. I haven't noticed much change at all -- not that I am monitoring it too intensly. A few months ago when her and I went to her T it was terrible. I was ganged up on and told that my W does not want to reconcile and wants an amicable S and her T proceeded to try and fill my head with ways I will feel secure about this decision and how nothing about our family will change, only that M and D won't be emotionally attached anymore, and that I would have all the access I wanted to see the kids. My W went so far as to suggest we could be like Demi Moore and Bruce Willis. This is when I knew they were BOTH out of their minds.
Since then we have met with my personal MC and I think helped back my W off the ledge and let things play out over time. I thought after my MC suggested it, my W would be open to seeing a "neutral" MC. But, as I wrote, she apparently is not right now.
You absolutely nailed my W in understanding her need to do everything and feeling like a good mother. The problem is when things are not going according to plan, she let's stress totally consume her to the point where she snaps and allows it to take her over.
The one thing you and Tristan both write is the "what about me" issue and the need for credit from me. You are right. I have been trying so hard for so long I think I have reached a point where I am starting to expect something in return. I need to let go of that and not get selfish. My goal from the beginning of all this was to be the best husband and father I could possibly be. I miss my W's affection, so I think that is why I have been getting demanding. I want her back in the worst way that I sometimes lose perspective. As a DB coach told me, it took years for my W to get into this mess, don't expect change to occur overnight. Three months is NOT a long time.
