I have been following along and it sounds like you're getting to a better place. You are right to go back to your home.
As we hear all the time, you need to stand up to your W and not be afraid of her reaction. She's basically gone already. So what if she doesn't like what you have decided. You have abided by her decisions all this time and she didn't care what you thought. Do what is in your best interest. If she were to come back, she will admire your strength even though it might piss her off in the short term.
I recently walked the plank, so to speak, with my W and told her what was unacceptable to me. It is scary. It is hard. But, she has agreed to go to MC after adamantly refusing for months. That, in and of itself, doesn't mean a thing unless she is going for the right reasons, but it's a start. After being stuck in neutral all this time, it's better than remaining in limbo.
I know I'm far from out of the woods. The point is, all the vets are right. We will remain stuck until we decide enough is enough and take the reigns from her and put ourselves back in control of the sitch.
Take the leap of faith and show her the strong mza8 that won't put up with her BS any longer.
