Ahhh I got to get in shape for me, but also next year I'll be hiking some pretty nice back woods country for some damn fine King Salmon fishing holes...and taking a tender foot along with me...with my luck I'll need to carry his ass when he twists his ankle...so you see the need to be in better shape.
I will also pick up a few books on control. Any suggestions?
Eric, Early on in my sitch, when my W was still in the house she picked up this book by Patricia Evans "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" (she never read it, in fact she never read anything) Anyhow, the author Patricia Evans did a good job of outlining what verbal abuse is and the controling behavior it stems from and why.
She has a couple of other books out which I have not read, but one of them is "Controling People". Now let me state for the record, I am no fan of Ms. Evans. I disagree with her viewpoint and conclusions in the Verbally Abusive Relationship. She paints Verbal Abuse and Controling behavior as almost an exclusively male trait in marriages or relationships. (WRONG!!) Additionally she holds little hope if any that a Verbal Abuser and/or Controler can change. (I disagree) Her answer seems to be bail out of the relationship. So know this going in if you decide to read the book, and also the book is written for the abused or the victim to read.
All that being said, the book was an eye openner for me as what kinds of things we say and do that come across as controling. IMO knowing what it is that you are doing or having "awareness" is the first step in changing that behavior.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Mach, have you not realized yet that I will usually see you picking on my Trapt. You be nice! LOL!
Cat, thank you for your kinds words. I have learned a lot from you, my friend.
Eric, being patient throughout all this is probably one of the hardest parts - but, it is a very necessary one.
If you rush through, you might miss steps that are necessary for you to take.
Changes, if they are to stick, should come slowly, after careful thought and naturally.
Accepting that you did not do the things you may have or may not have done in your marriage on purpose is a difficult one. But, if you realized what you were doing, you would not have continued.
That's part of why we are meant to go on this journey. We needed to see, hear, feel and change.
So, what is the guilt doing for you? If it's not moving you forward, it's holding you back.
Learn from the past, but, dont let it drag you down.
This is a long process, with twists and turns and ups and downs. Embrace them all because each one is a life lesson.
Learn to hear and see and feel. Then real change comes.
I may come across as one of the ladies on these threads....but I wanted to scream when I read your post (picture a dude screaming OMG - girlfriend )
Did you mean usually ?
Lately?
Mostly?
I would answer with ....... YES...to all the above.
Would you like another Mojito Ma'am ?
Okay so as part of the process of reflection I have found my girly side
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Rome was not built in a day...or rebuilt in a day...or rebuilt in a day.....so the same it will be with you Eric. Some really good stuff is starting to come out of your head. Take your time and process it...relax...breathe....fish...LOL.
Tempting...as part of my discovery I decided to come into work tomorrow in a pink tutu and heels. Tempting????
Okay I better stop before I get banned.
Lost - Thanks man. It that freaking impatiences.
All - I have a few things that I need to think about tonight and will post tomorrow. Stay tuned.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
