Newbie.Trying with faith and hope to save marriage

[papayachic]

He called a few times and i picked up and told him I'd call him in 20 minutes bc I'm at work and need to go somewhere private.

CONVO with H this morning. it was 20 minutes
I called and said hi how are you
He said hi, how are you. I said good. I feel good.
I asked again how are you. He said. Well a little disturbed. My phone died last night and i just got your text message this morning.

I asked him if he received my letter a few weeks back. He said yes. I then said I started going to life coach, turned to God and realized I was so angry because I was terrified. I no longer have fear in my life. I never thought I could go back to the old me but I am. I'm the old Jessica.

He said good. If thats really true than Im happy for you. Then I said i found out i was pregnant. Will not let fear take hold of me. I will have it. This is not a scam to get you back or hurt you, just thought you should know that we're having a baby end of the year.

He went off saying "How can I spring this upon him. Why am I being selfish? I shouls have let him know right away? I am deceitful. How can I handle it? How can he handle it he only been clean 3 months? etc...

I stayed composed and confident but not rude on the phone. I said it's what's God's directing me to do. I love the baby with all my heart already. It is not selfish do do something I feel is right. I have a plan and if it doesnt work out then I'll pick myself up and get a new plan. But we'll be ok. I kept mentioning baby as a him and he told me not to do that.

He said he called a lawyer today and waiting for call back. He's made up his mind. He wants a divorce.

I said He can be involved or not. I'm not asking for anything. I did say I did not think it was appropriate to talk over the phone about this. I did say I believe in sanctity of marriage. Did say after 9 years,didnt think it was appropriate to talk divorce over phone. I told him to take a few days to think about what he wants to do.

He was ANGRY that I was deceitful. He was angry that at first when the bomb dropped I said I would look into and start divorce and have not. He said I was deceitful and have my way again and that I always take control of EVERYTHING. Kept saying i just control everything. Doesnt believe Ive changed. It's just me going from extreme to extreme.

He said I keep saying, to take a few days but he knows for a fact we will get divorced. He wants a divorce and thats final. He does not need to think about that. I said ok well if that's what you wish.keep me updated for your lawyer to contact mine bc there is a baby involved. He said what now you're trapping me, binding me. I said no. If he doesnt want to discuss baby in divorce, then he doesnt have to and he'll never see the baby. I told him to think and call me and to have a beautiful day.


He called 40 minutes later 3 times. I picked up on third and said cant' really talk call me this evening. Im at work. He said, i hung up so quickly and he still is thinking but he needs the money i took from him so he can pay lawyer. I said i am still working that out, but if we're getting divorced i have to calculate what i paid for state taxes. He BLEW up on me. Started cursing, saying I was Fuckin deceitful stringing him all these weeks. I had no intentions on giving him back borrowed money. I was scheming the whole time. If i wasnt so deceitful last few weeks maybe, not that he thinks there would have been, but maybe had a shot. He hung up.

I called back and said, please do not yell or scream. I did not say I was not giving you money back but since we are getting divorced, I need to calculate more things. He apoligized for cursing but told me not to tell him how to react. Im not in control. He told me I am only thinking about myself, I am selfish, deceitful,etc...I told him I am not. Whatever I do is for the baby. He yelled and said keep the money. I said well you think about hat you have to think about and call me, Have a beautiful day.