The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Thank you Kalni. I am doing well. The journal is as much for me as it is for those that may follow later. Just to see that they are not alone.
I am healing. It's going to take time and I recognize that. I recognize that I have to let her go and that I do not have to accept the behavior she is displaying now - the meanness, the vicious attacks of character, the putting the kids in the middle of it, etc. I don't have to and really never did. I do have to accept that she wants to leave and there is not a thing I can do about that to change it. I will accept it and I will say goodbye to all that the marriage included. I will be a good parent and help my kids through all of this. I will NOT repay mean and vicious with same. I simply won't do that.

I will hold my head up knowing I did my best and then some. I will wish her the best in her journey and I will be happy for her.

At some point, all of that will be the normal behavior for me where this is concerned. I can feel it. But right now, there are some soft spots to work on such as the anger. I can use that anger to complete my own healing - searing the wounds closed until they can finish scarring. Those scars will fade over time. I don't even think it will be much more time from now. I have spent a lot of time dealing with this already, and have a good head start. It may be a few more years of course, but it won't be forever.

I recognize now (once again actually) that she apparently needs to go through this and while she could have chosen to do so in the boundaries of marriage, did not ultimately do so. I can't change that. I won't. Instead, I recognize it's time for me to move on and let her finish her journey without any assistance from me. I am unable to help and not wanted in this journey.

Take care Kalni. I appreciate you stopping by.

AJ