Ok I see that many people have posted more info on their statuses so here is what I left out.
The first three months of our seperation I was not trying to listen to his begging and pleading and him saying baby, honey etc. I was very sure that he was involved with OW. Plus I wanted him to see the mistakes he was making at the time before our seperation.
I always felt bad whenever I was cold towards him but I thought that was the best way to handle it.
When the fourth month came my mom had told me that if I wanted to get back together with him that I shouldn't treat him that way. That I was only going to push him away from me.
I agreed and started to gradually be more civil towards him. Three more months passed.
We were on better terms. He was visiting more too. During this time we never talked about getting together again. I still felt like he was dating the other woman at the time as well.
During our seperation my mother in law came to visit. She spent two days with me and I opened up to her about how much I missed her son. How I truly love him. How he was the only man for me etc.
Shortly after that my husband came to me and wanted to talk. This is the eighth month of seperation now.
We sat down and really talked. He did most of the talking. I just listened. Once he said that he missed me and wanted to come back home. I was so happy. He asked me why I was so mean to him during that time at the beginning. I told him that I was hurt that he decided to leave again instead of trying to work things out. That I was hurt that he was with another woman during this time as well. He denied the affair during this conversation.
From that day things looked very promising. He was coming over everyday. He called me and was happy and paid many compliments to me. He was spending more time with our son too.
After a month in a half of these wonderful times, things slowed down. I immediately felt like he got back with the OW. Another month went by and he was pulling further away from me.
By this time I had read DR and was using all of the steps accordingly. I was working on myself. I wasn't talking about our relationship. I was doing the 180. My husband noticed a change. He asked me why I was so calm. That if I was feeling okay. I laughed.
Now when we first got together I was very attentive to my husband. I cooked for him everyday. I always kept a clean home. I did his laundry. He would wash dishes and take out the trash.
We would spend every evening watching TV together, talking etc.
So I was behaving like I did when we first met. I'm normally very down to earth and pulled together. But after all of the things that we have been through it was harder and harder to keep my frustrations under control.
Okay so this month is when he dropped the two bombs. The OW bomb and him staying at a friend's.
When he told me about the OW I was devastated. But I let him talk to me and just listened. Once he was done I did ask him questions about the affair. He answered them with no problem. He even started talking about bringing his clothes up to our apartment.
He went to NY to help a friend move. It was suppose to be for one day and right back. He ended up staying the weekend. He called me and told me that he was staying. I was upset but I didn't let him know since this is what I would've done before.
I sensed something was off with him when we spoke. I found out yesterday that he had gone by the OW house to get the rest of his things that he had left there.
He said that she wasn't there. That her cousin let him in and she let him take his clothes etc..
I feel that she was there and that maybe he felt sorry for her. He told me that she use to threaten to kill herself if he left her. That she would call me up and tell me everything(affair). He snuck out of the house with the clothes on his back. He told me that they had had a huge fight. She didn't want him talking to me at all.
My question for all of you is should I keep on being nice to him? Should I talk to him about our relationship? Is it okay to talk to him about him spending more time with our son while he is staying at the friend's? So you think he is back with the OW?
I really need some guidance here. Please be specific. If you need more info just say so. Thank You.
