So far she has bent over backwards in allowing me to see my boys. This is just to keep me sweet....and dangling....
I spoke to the boys today and then her. I could feel the phone ice up in my hand. She accused me of stripping our account and taking all the money.
I told her that I had done as advised, and protected me and my boys. She said that some bills had come back unpaid. I explained that they had now been rerouted and were now paid.
I explained that the benefit payments that were due to go into our account were hers. I would not touch them. But my wages were mine. She whined saying that she only wanted to get some taxi money and felt humiliated. I said if she wanted anything for the boys she only had to ask - I would buy it for them, but I wanted to see here meet me somewhere in spending money in bringing up the boys.
I do not intend to give her the cash, but to buy the items the boys need myself.
(and keep the receipts)
The surprising thing throughout the conversation was her manner. Before - the first time she walked out - she would have shouted down the phone at me. This time it was very different. This time she was gentle and pacifying. Now she is going out of her way to let me take the boys to school tomorrow. I mean really going out of her way.
Then I get home from work....
I have had a phone call on the answer machine. You have one OLD message says the m/c This is ~~~~ from Family law just calling~~~~
She has played my phone messages, and knows I am not bluffing over the lawyer ..
Good.
I have noticed a difference in her manner this time now that I have set FIRM boundaries.
I need time to reflect upon this.
I feel that I should continue to push MY agenda, and in some ways , sod the consequences.
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
So far she has bent over backwards in allowing me to see my boys. This is just to keep me sweet....and dangling....
I spoke to the boys today and then her. I could feel the phone ice up in my hand. She accused me of stripping our account and taking all the money.
I told her that I had done as advised, and protected me and my boys. She said that some bills had come back unpaid. I explained that they had now been rerouted and were now paid.
I explained that the benefit payments that were due to go into our account were hers. I would not touch them. But my wages were mine. She whined saying that she only wanted to get some taxi money and felt humiliated. I said if she wanted anything for the boys she only had to ask - I would buy it for them, but I wanted to see here meet me somewhere in spending money in bringing up the boys.
I do not intend to give her the cash, but to buy the items the boys need myself.
(and keep the receipts)
The surprising thing throughout the conversation was her manner. Before - the first time she walked out - she would have shouted down the phone at me. This time it was very different. This time she was gentle and pacifying. Now she is going out of her way to let me take the boys to school tomorrow. I mean really going out of her way.
Then I get home from work....
I have had a phone call on the answer machine. You have one OLD message says the m/c This is ~~~~ from Family law just calling~~~~
She has played my phone messages, and knows I am not bluffing over the lawyer ..
Good.
I have noticed a difference in her manner this time now that I have set FIRM boundaries.
I need time to reflect upon this.
I feel that I should continue to push MY agenda, and in some ways , sod the consequences.
I take it that you mean that my actions are forcing her to show me some respect to me.
Today I feel better in myself after yesterdays events.
Perhaps this should be the course of direction that should guide my actions.
Thank you for showing me at least a part of the forest through the trees.
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I am looking for one that looks at it from the males side.
It would be helpful if it could give help in the guiding the kids through D. But I expect this to best given in 2 separate books.
Does anyone recommend any good books?
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
For the second night in a row I have found that she has played my phone messages.
I am going to pull her up about it tomorrow and tell her to stop doing it.
Spoke to the kids earlier and they said the OM had given them a lift earlier from school.
Now I know for sure that he is back on the scene.
I also intend to pull her up about this as well.
Given his history with regards to his mental state, I will tell her that if she allows the boys to be with him again in any capacity, I will tell our social services and the police.
She will be very upset, angry, shout, ect.
So?!
The M is over.
What am I trying to do when I try and avoid making her angry...? Nothing apart from permitting her to hurt me again!
I have just sent her a Text telling her that we need to talk.
By playing my phone messages it show she is trying to keep tags on what I am doing.
If it did not bother her what I did now, she would not bother herself listening to my messages.
This shows that she is concerned in what I am doing, AND HOW FAR SHE NEEDS TO PLAY ME!!
It is time to keep her off balance, so to speak.
My game.
My rules now.
She has practised moving out.
I have practised my actions.
Problem is that I think this can still work out...
I am slowly accepting that it is over. But this then means I have nothing to lose.
The fog is clearing.......................
Gyn.
Ps Does no one read these threads...............
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I have pulled her up about listening to my messages. She blamed my son.
I have informed her that we need to talk about our finances.
I have told her that I do not want her OM anywhere near the boys and that I will inform the relevant protection services if I need to.
This went down well......
A few swear words later and shouting at me started. I said I will not accept this and walked out the room.
She calmed down and accused me of hiding everything from her - she means the advice I have received, the moving of the money, ect.
I calmed her down and said that I did not want to go down the solicitor route, and that I did not want to fight her or use the boys as weapons. But I told her that I will do what I need to protect me and my boys.
It turns out the OM has been beaten up by 2 bikers and his car has been damaged. She thinks that I have paid some bikers to do this. She is just weaving a new story for everything.
At the moment she doesn't trust me.
At the moment she doesn't know what I am doing.
She is surprised in how fast I have acted and in what I have done. She did not think I would do what I have done.
Time to allow emotions to settle down.
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Turns out that my son did not get a lift from the OM. He only saw him driving past them on the road.
Not his fault - he's only 9. I didn't ask him to tell me if he ever saw the OM, I think he picked up on something between me and the WAW.
The good to come from it was that it pushed me into setting another boundary.
I knew it would really annoy her, the setting of this boundary, but it had to be done.
The wise words of puppy were the guidance I needed. He told someone else to always do what is right. It doesn't matter if you annoy the other person.
Tonight when I came home I expected a frosty welcome. But no.... She was light and cordial, and had gone out of her way with the boys.
She gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek as she left. This is only done to keep me sweet - it has no meaning. She even texted me to tell me she had walked home safely and wished me good night.
Everyone who has told me to set boundaries in the past was correct. While you are hurting and in pain and the feelings are raw, you don't want to make things worse.
So you keep taking the hits on the chin that your ex partner gives you, whilst hoping that they will see the light and return to you and ask you to forgive all their sins.
You have to set boundaries.
You have to enforce them.
Expect the reaction you will receive.
You have to remove all doubt from the ex partners mind that you will enforce the boundary and go through with your actions.
This will help clear your mind and allow you to mentally square your shoulders.
Your ex must respect you in all things.
Everyone, listen to the wise vets on here....
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
It is a symbol of our vows. Vows which have been broken.
When I talk to women, and flirt a little, they look at the wedding ring and it prevents a full interaction with them.
Since I last spoke on here there has been no talks with my WAW about our R. I will not initiate any talk about our R.
I don't want to.
Our only communication is about the boys.
I still dictate when and where we swap over the boys. I have started doing the handover at the bottom of her drive. I don't want her here at my home.
Still no talk about D.
She still wears her wedding rings - the ones she wore while she was unfaithful and deceiving me.
I am certain that the OM is back on the scene.
At the moment she has things set up as she wanted.
I will not let her cake eat....
Regards, Gyn.
Ps I am going out tonight.
She doesn't know where or with whom I am going with.
Is it a good thing if she thinks I am going out with another woman??
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I am looking for one that looks at it from the males side.
It would be helpful if it could give help in the guiding the kids through D. But I expect this to best given in 2 separate books.
Does anyone recommend any good books?
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
