Really? Why? Can you think back to a time when the two of you were happy? You are not going to help yourself by thinking you made a bad choice. Certainly you will crawl all over it. But that's just anger talking and it's not going to help you at this point very much. Being mad only helps you get away most of the time.
yes, i remember why i married him. i remember why i fell in love with him. i have every birthday card, anniversary card, etc. but that was all a sham. look at what has become of him. never in a million years did i think he'd ever hurt me like this. i was so stupid.
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For example, you and your husband had many wonderful times. There was a time when you trusted him, when you enjoyed being around him, when you loved him. You picked him for many of those reasons. You trusted him because he was trustworthy. There were many good qualities that your husband had. That means you didn't make a mistake and you did have some good times. Try to remember that.
i haven't seen that in him in a very long time. it makes you wonder if this is the new him.
the thing i can't get out of my head (besides the unfound infidelity) is the fact that he will always look at me and think that i'm money hungry. that's why i keep shouting at the top of my lungs that i'm not that kind of girl. and the person who matters so much to me, thinks that way of me. it makes me want to give him everything to prove myself. but it could be his way of making me give everything up. if i give everything up, then i'm stupid. if i don't, then i'm a gold digger.
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But I do see some things that are really good. For example, reminding yourself to get back into exercise. Do it. Don't hesitate. That's also a good way to meet people. People that don't know you or your situation. I encourage you to meet more of those.
the gym was good for me. in a few ways. 1. working my muscles was good. 2. i did met two guys. i didn't get their names but i did talk to two guys. (forrest, i smiled!) 3. i went to a gym further away on purpose. it was like running away but not quite. if i went to a closer gym, i'd be home sooner. and i figure, if i was home sooner, and his car wasn't there, then my mind would go bonkers. in order to change that, i went to a further gym so i'd be home later. as long as i got home later than him, then it would help me keep those negative thoughts at bay. by the time i got home, it was 9:20 pm. i'm really trying to work on fixing that so i don't get on the crazy train again.
in the end, i treated myself to chocolate milk. the sign at the gym said it's a good after workout drink. so i got one.
btw, i really get a kick out of being able to curl more than some of the guys at the gym. for standing bicep curls, i use the 30 lb bar. i've seen some guys use the 20 lb one. too easy.
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In fact, the less you say to family and mutual friends, the better. Because when things change, and they will change at some point, those things you said will be barriers to any kind of chance either of you may have had. Trust me on that one - it's true.
i agree with you on this. the thing is, my family is my rock. my mom is trying to keep an open mind. my dad is slowly starting to figure it out. he noticed the drastic weight loss and he said i was really out of it when i was home over the weekend. if we ever reconciled, i'd have to try and undo the damage i've already done. i mean honestly, he needs a lot of work and i think most would not want to be with someone like my h. he's not easy to be with someone like him. it takes a lot of work. he is more work than marriage.
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Focus on being a positive you. It'll take time, but as your view of things begins to change, your sleeping will come back as well. Exercise will help greatly.
i will probably limit my yoga to once or twice a week. i'll spend a few days on strength training. i take my ipod with me so i focus on my work out.
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It's not fair, but it is up to you. When you see that, you will realize it may not be what you asked for, but it can be an even better opportunity than you ever dreamed it could be. Again, for now trust me that's the case. Later you can tell me I was right
all i ask is. please don't encourage me to find someone else or work on myself for the next person because i've already said that i wouldn't do this again.
and yes, i do think i've been 'devalued' after having 'gave' myself away to my h. i wish i had saved myself for the right person. instead, i gave myself to this monster who ended up kicking me to the curb.
