Absolutely, communication is the key. Many of the issues in Ims Sunshine's post could have been resolved quickly with open communication. It's strange how we can be so physically intimate, yet not even be as open and honest about our sexual preferences as we are about our dining preferences with the waiter at a restaurant.
As for identifying someone's preferences, don't assume it's just one mode. Speaking only for myself as an example, I enjoy being both dominant and submissive at different times, or equal. They're all separate and different fantasies. Liking one of them doesn't mean I don't like the others.
It sounds to me like Ims Sunhine and her man are trying to figure out what the other wants, and may be misinterpreting each other's actions because they both may be doing what the THINK the other person wants, which may be what NEITHER of them wants, instead of what they actually want.
