I would suggest that you get her away from that therapist. If you have seen that much of a change since she's been going to the sessions, then that is not a good sign. Let's be honest, some therapist or counselors may say a lot of things to encourage the patient to WA b/c they think you should do whatever will bring you "happiness". Professionals may be educated, but they can be wrong about things, also.
Being 42 is not old, but being a mother of twin two-yr-olds is! OMG! No wonder she's about ready to break. Now I really believe her hormones could be the reason behind a lot of her problems. Just as her body is thinking about facing menopause, she goes and has twins.......now it's in shock and doesn't know what to do.
I think it great that you are able to afford that kind of help with the children. As for her feeling as if she must be the one to do everything......it could go back to what she was handed down from her grandmother and mother. Things stick with a woman like that. Some think that you aren't being a "good mother" if you allow anyone else to do anything. I know.....I've had plenty to tell me that!
I couldn't help but notice how often you brought up about needing her to appreciate what you do, and the need for affection. Those must be your love languages. Do you know what her LL are? If you are not speaking to her in her LL, then it's a problem.
Don't give up. Things are hard, but the kids won't be two forever, and as it's written....."this too shall pass". However, you need to know what to do in the meantime, and you need encouragement. Don't go without posting b/c that is where you'll get a lot of strength, okay? Reach out to others here on the board and ask for help. You'll start to build up a support system soon.
Take care of yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
