Sounds like your son is realizing what he doesn't want out of a relationship, but is he going to be afraid of commitment, then? I wonder if your possibly x-husband and you could talk about counselling. In Alberta, there are subsidized programs for kids going through family rebuilding less the dad...are there such things in CA or will dad be able to pay?
I wish that he would call and apologize but his pride (and possibly a tricky woman) seem to be blocking his many chances to turn the divorce around. So imagine what your kids must be feeling! They'd probably slap him (and probably you for good measure) and tie you together if they could~
I understand that some men, like me to some regard, have a problem showing love while going through stuff like this (even if it is his fault). I would suggest you keep trying to find opportunities to encourage (not guilt or judge) your H to finding ways to share his feelings with the kids and stay connected. If guilt takes over, the kids will be truly losing a parent. Your son and daughter have both said in your stories that they don't want that. They want to be loved. Helping them feel loved is an awesome way to protect them.
BTW - statistically, fathers that stay involved and are encouraged to be involved post divorce pay alimony more often with less "tricks".
