WAH in MLC with PA

[Mila]

DG - You went through a rough patch in the past little while, but boy did you come through to the other side now. You are sounding so positive and strong.....wow.

This looks like a major turning point for you...you go girl

You know where I'm in my sitch right now, so I'm in no shape to give much advice right now, but I'm reading and cheering and working on getting over the hump.

Thanks for your continuous support (((hugs)))

[DiamondGirl]

I've made a decision that I feel is best for me and my kids, though it was a difficult one.

My mom, though good hearted, is very difficult to live with. I am no prize either, but she is very controlling, demanding and needy. She seems to rely on people doing things for her (that she could do herself) in order to feel important or loved. If you don't, she sulks or gets mad. She yells frequently, does not take care of her own health or needs, and talks incessantly.

The second I walk in after work she starts talking, "suggesting" tasks of me and complains about what my son has done that was so wrong that day.

She won't take the hint about someone having a bad day and wanting privacy and quiet...she won't take direct requests for the same either.

I know that having to move her hoarded stuff (truckloads) and subsequent attitude after we all moved into the same house together played a part in the way my M ended and on my H frustration (not to mention the romantic side of our M).

I will not let a future R (whether with H or another man) be jeopardized by her negativity. I won't let my kids go through what I did (I walked on eggshells around her as I was growing up). I will not let myself continue to go through it now.

I have tried to communicate to her gently (and sometimes a little more directly) her affect on the household, but she doesn't see herself or her impact.

So tonight we discussed her moving out on her own for the first time in her life, and for the first time in mine I will be on my own as well.

I told her that I wanted to preserve the R she and I finally have rather than damage it further by continuing to live together unhappily.

I know that it will be tough going to no longer have her here as a backup body to watch the kids, but I'm willing to trust that I'll be fine.

It's Scary, but exciting and it feels like the right choice for me and the kids.

[courageous wife]

(((DG)))

I am sure that this is not an easy thing. You know what is right and best for you and your children! Thinking of you!

[Mila]

DG - You are becoming very strong and you are starting to take charge of your destiny...recognizing the negative impact that living with your mom has/had on your life and acting to correct it is a major step forward. I'm sure that this was a very hard decision...wishing you all the best.

(((hugs)))

[DiamondGirl]

Scared...hurting...exhausted... All me right now...

I'm afraid of handling everything entirely on my own without a safety net (whether it be H or my mom)

hurting because I miss the man I married who would have held me and told me it would all be ok...

Exhausted because I did so much on my own this weekend around my too big house that I don't have the energy to enjoy it...

I feel like a terrified kid inside left alone in a big forest with darkness falling...

[DiamondGirl]

A little better this morning.. Had a restless sleep though..

I talked to mom over the weekend about moving out. She said she had been considering it before H left but then I needed her so she put it off. I let her know that I couldn't have made it through without her but that I thought her and I needed to stand on our own and create our own new lives. That I didn't want to ruin the positive relationship that we have developed recently by continuing to live with each other and end up resenting each other.

She agreed that this fall would be the best time for her to move out as it will give us time to prepare the kids for it.

Right now my D3 is very attached to her, to the point of running to her when I am trying to be firm. She sees my mom as a way of getting out of doing things or not dealing with me directly when she's done something wrong. And my mom will enable it and not let me stand on my own. In a way, it is the same thing H did with me. I won't accept that in my life any longer. But it scares me witless to finally stand on my own without anyone there as backup. Though it is long overdue.

Whether H comes back at some point or not I need my children to learn to respect me and listen to me (as much as kids do these days.. LOL). That won't happen when she is there to undermine everything I'm trying to do.

I want to create a peaceful environment that will allow my kids to play and grow up to be respectful of others and have boundaries of their own. But my mom has no clue how to do that and is unwilling to learn (she doesn't believe in that "psychological horsecrap"). That is her choice. Mine is to live and raise my kids the way I feel they need to be raised. Without yelling, moody projections and boundary crossing at every level.

It scares the crap out of me though.. That's how I know it is the direction to go in...

[DiamondGirl]

I can't believe I've been reduced to a blubbering mess again. All it took was for H to ask for my L info and I'm crying in my car again.

I know he usually pushes like this when something happens... I'm in the dark as far as that goes... I asked him why he needed the info and he replied that the D have to go either to my L or me by registered mail and which did I prefer...

Through my tears I replied how about neither since he was the only one who wanted it... Not DB but I am hurting so much right now... I can't believe I can still be reduced to this.... I was feeling upset today but this just iced it

[DiamondGirl]

God why can't I just hate him.... Instead I still love him so much I can't breathe... Why questions are pointless but that's the only thing running through my head right now...

I am so unbelievably sad right now... I can't stop crying... My heart aches and wishes we could go back and try again ... Maybe it would have lessened the mlc... Or maybe I'm just fooling myself into believing in mlc...

I can't stop crying...

[job]

Diamond,
Cry as hard and as long as you need to. It's heartbreaking when they ask for information about lawyers, etc. They are very short sighted and indifferent to how we feel because they detached a long time ago.

Nothing you could have done would have lessened his mlc...it's his to own totally. You have been a good wife, friend and lover to him and yes, you still are even though he denies it. Your h is a broken man and only God can repair him. It's not something that you broke, so you can't fix him. Only he can do that in time.

Once you settle down this evening, pamper yourself. You need to take care of yourself in every way possible. Take a nice hot bubble bath, candles lit and soft music playing. Relax a bit. Okay?

Hang in there....you will be okay in time.

[DiamondGirl]

I don't feel like there's any chance for us any more... And it hurts so much to even breathe right now... And part of me doesn't want to... I thought I had moved past this point... I doubt he'll ever hit bottom and that I'll ever move past him to find love again... It's such a waste